LGBTQ+ and how I joined them.

;)

Hi. My name is Sam. I'm 13 years old. My pronouns are She/Them at the moment. Both of my parents are extremely homophobic, transphobic, and just generally Conservative. I have three other siblings. Absolutely none of us agree with them.

I remember when I was maybe seven years old, and still thought my parents hung the moon, and could never be wrong about anything. we went out to a restaurant, and we saw a person cross- dressing. At the time, we thought that was wrong, and were disgusted. Now? I would have thought that person was extremely brave, and I probably would've made them my role model.

I started questioning my views when I was maybe eleven years old. My sister and I were talking, and the conversation turned to feminism. My sister is a proud feminist. My mother had always said that a man was the head of the household, and I obviously agreed with her, because she hung the moon! But, while me and my sister were talking, I could make absolutely no excuse for sexism. That was the day I decided to look more into the other side of things, question my parent's homophobia, even. 

In the next year, I changed all my views on feminism. I was pro- choice, and I followed the news and had several debates with my father on the subject. It normally ended with them saying I was being disrespectful and to basically stop voicing my views because it would 'corrupt' my baby sister. 

It wasn't until another long conversation with my older sister that I changed my views on homophobia. I wasn't homophobic, I had changed my views on that when I changed my views on feminism, but I wasn't active in the community, and I hadn't learned anything on the subject.

My sister told me a secret that night. She liked women. In our house, that's a sin, and apparently all homosexuals are going to hell. My sister wakes up every day not able to be herself, having to hide who she is from our family. She told me she wakes up every day and just says 'it's okay, you're straight, you're straight get up get up get up you're straight-'. 

I know for a fact that my brother isn't homophobic either. Now tell me, how is it that at least three children who grew up in a homophobic household, the moment they educated themselves, realized that all LGBTQ+ people are 100% valid? 

Maybe, it's because they are. 

I've never really been comfortable in my own skin. I always kind of felt like She/Her was wrong, and sometimes They/Them felt right. But not all the time. Later, when I was twelve, I realized that I was a Demigirl. For those of you who don't know what that is, it means I use She/They pronouns. I'm not going to be able to tell that to my family. They still think my name is Hannah. It's not. It's Sam. If I tell my Dad that, he'll either tell me I'm confused and ignore me, kick me out, or send me to a mental institution.

He has actually gone on long rants about how all Trans are just confused and need mental help.

For all Trans reading this, you are 100% valid and we support you.

I am going to be deadnamed for the entire rest of the time that I live here. I know that I am absolutely not coming out until I move out of this house. 

For all those with accepting families, you are so lucky. Not many people do. I know for a fact that I like girls. If I told my parents that, they would probably send me to a bible camp, or preach how I'm a sinner and I'm going to hell if I don't go down the right path. 

I first discovered what the LGBTQ+ community was on Goodreads. It was, at the time, the only social platform I was allowed to have. Still is, actually. That was when I first started questioning my sexuality. I had never really felt anything around boys, except my social awkwardness, and I realized that maybe...

...I wasn't straight.

I learned more about the LGBTQ+ community, mostly through memes, because I'm just that type of person, and came to the conclusion, that I 100% liked girls. 

I may have freaked out. A little. I realized that I was never going to be able to tell my parents without fear of rejection, and that I could never be myself at home. Your gender and sexuality are a big part of who you are.

For those of you, who, like me, have to hide who they are with their parents, you are strong. You will get through this. Be brave. You are 100% valid. 

Now, I'm going to have to hide my gender and sexuality from my parents, until I am at least 18 and stable financially. If you don't have to do that, do not underestimate just how lucky you are. You do not have to listen to your parents rant about how your identity is a sin, and you never will. Remember, you are all 100% valid.

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Author's Note:

Hi all people reading this! This is just a little short, because I was frustrated with my life and needed to write something. 

Anyways, hope all of you lovely people have a wonderful day! Comment any mistakes and i will try to fix it for u <3.

-Sam