LGBTQ+ and how I joined them.

<3

I had a small argument with my dad. A small one, okay? And really basically the only reason he is against gay marriage is because he knew one person, yes, one, who had two parents of the same sex, I don't remember whether it was two moms or two dads, and he said that she grew up 'confused' about her sexuality because her parents 'pushed' theirs onto her.

Guess what, dad? I have a mom and a dad, and you 'pushed' your sexuality onto me. So therefore, I think that heterosexual marriage should be outlawed.

Doesn't seem extremely fair now, does it? 

I grew up so f*cking confused. Hell, I'm still so f*cking confused, about my sexuality. It's like, sometimes I feel like I like boys, sometimes I feel like I like girls, and sometimes I just want to go to sleep and wake up when everybody's dead.

Anybody feel that?

I think y'all got the gist of what my home life is like from the last chapter. Pretty much all online platforms are looked through by my parents. The only reason I have this is because they have no idea I have it. I had to make an entire new google and email account. 

My sisters, I have two, discord and instagram and all other social platforms are looked through regularly. Then they make the excuse that they're our parents, and they have to make sure we're 'safe'. Really, the only reason is that they think that we're getting 'outside influence' and that's why we changed our political views. 

I literally have to hide all of my social platforms from my parents, and they have said on multiple occasions that if they could go back they wouldn't have given us phones or anything, they would've just given us a flip phone.

Like we're in the '80's or something.

Then they say that they didn't get a phone until they were much older, and how we just have to 'surround ourselves with good, Christian friends'.

My sister, the older one, has severe anxiety. When it's addressed, my dad normally just says that she just has to 'push through it' and 'everyone goes through that'. Me and my siblings had to push them to get her a councilor, and she may be going to a smaller school to help her with it. My dad still says 'you have to push through it sometime' and 'how will you go to college?' He goes on about how back when he was in high school, a lot of kids had that, and they just had to deal because there wasn't any treatment for it back then, and they didn't have these names for every little thing, and they just pushed through it. 

Then, because everything can be traced back to us having the internet, he says that 'You've been doing research and reading about it, and that's what's made it worse' and they discuss taking away all of our electronics, because it's 'messing with our brains'. 

I really cannot wait to get out of this house.

Sometimes, me and my siblings talk about it. I know that every single one of us are leaving as soon as we can. Really, one of my only dreams in life is to be the daughter that only really come home for christmas, and lives in some faraway city. I don't even care where I go, as long as it's far away from here.

I know that my sister has at least cried about it. I know she sleeps with the light on because she's scared. That, my children, is called 'severe anxiety'. She said that every time she may be called on, in school, she does the math in her head, of when she is going to be, and how much time she has, and she's usually a sweating mess, and when it's over she's normally analyzing how she answered it, and if her voice sounded weird, and wondering if anyone noticed her the entire rest of class.

But, you know, she'll 'push though it', and I'm sure 'everyone goes through that' and 'it's all the internet's fault'. 

I'm homeschooled. Have been since like 3rd grade. My sister, the younger one, doesn't know her times tables. She is ten years old. My mom is supposed to be in charge of our education. The only thing she ever helps us with is math, and we're in charge of everything else. My sister is ten. Most ten year old's have a teacher explaining that to them, but mine? She has to do everything herself. She came to me once and told me she was maybe six weeks behind on Geography. She had to catch up by herself. A teacher would have never let that happen, because teachers actually help their students. 

I had to basically drop hints, not subtly at all, for months before they finally got that I wanted to go to a public school. Me and my sister are going there next year. I'm actually scared, because we have basically learned nothing from online school. Our teacher basically just sends us papers and we have to look up the answer on Google and copy it down, and then never remember it.

My parents go on about how they 'have to go through our phones', and how it's just to 'keep us safe'. They think we're stupid enough to actually just give out our private information. Well, obviously I'm venting about my home life here, but it's not like I'm giving out my address. 

None of us can message anyone without our mom looking though the entire thing. Even if it's someone we've known for years. 

Then whenever the issue of COVID comes up, they talk about how 'we need interaction', while simultaneously taking away all of our social platforms, the only link to the outside world that we have, away. 

Their solution? A Youth Group. A fucking Youth Group. For those of you who do not know what a Youth Group is, it's basically where parents drop off their kids with other teenagers and they're preached the bible by other people for hours, and then supposed to 'make friends' and 'interact'.

So it's basically daycare, but more boring and there's an old man preaching at you for hours.

That is their entire solution. To my sisters anxiety, and to our 'human interaction', which has been kept from us... by them.

My parents are so smart.

If you have accepting parents, and I know I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again, you are so lucky. Never underestimate just how lucky you are.

My biggest dream, other than getting as far from this hellhole as I possibly can, is to go to a Pride Parade. I can't even watch it because my parents don't agree with it.

For those of you that don't have accepting homes, like me, always remember that you are 100% valid, and you are so fucking brave, and you will get through this. 

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Author's Note:

Hello! If you got this far, congratulations, you have officially read all of my shit. Again, this is just me venting, because every day is a hard day, and I kinda needed to vent about it.

Please comment any mistakes and I will try to fix it for you! <3

-Sam