My Last Chance

I walk into her hospital room.

She can’t even tell I’m there.

“Tell her who you are or she won’t recognize you,” I’m told.

“Bona?” I can hardy say her name I’m trying so hard to hold back the tears.

I never imagined she would look like this, like she’s already gone.

“It’s Lydia, Sylvia’s daughter,” I say.

I take her hand.

Still no response.

The tears? Oh they’re running freely now and I know the sobbing will be here soon.

“Good Bye Bona,” I choke as I lean over her bed and give her a kiss.

In that moment her eyes open, just for a second.

And I see their beautiful blue one last time.

But I can tell she can’t see me, I’m clouded from her eyes.

I don’t know why,

Is the morphine that’s hiding the pain from her hiding me also?

Or have her eyes, like many other parts of her body, simply stopped working?

Whatever the reason, I know if I stay any longer I’ll lose it.

And so I flee

I flee to the hallway where Susan folds me into her arms.

We stand there and I cry for who knows how long.

And then I realize, it’s to late, I lost my last chance.

My last chance to tell Bona what I have known for a long time 

but never told her for fear of sounding foolish.

My last chance to tell her that I don’t see her as just a friend,

but more as a grandmotherly figure.

I need to tell someone so I tell Susan and Bona-Beth.

and at the time I think that’s good enough,

that’s as close as I can get to telling Bona.

But now I know it’s not.

I need to share this bond, this love I felt between Bona and I.

So I’m telling you.