short texts

Speechless

I am not okay.
But how to tell?
The words are there. There are perfect sentences in my head. I am able to explain my thoughts, my feelings, my problems.
But they are just in my head.
I can not say them.
They are so clear. But just in my head.
It is killing me.
Everyone asks this one question. "You're okay?"
"I'm fine."
That's all I say even if my mind screams.
"No, I'm not! I'm hurting, I don't know how to go on!"
I will never say this words. I am speechless. I am silent. I am numb.
All this words are there but they only exist in my head, my life, my heart.
My world.
I am alone. Nobody cares. It is all lie I tell myself but it feels so real. I know that no one can help me if I don't want to.
But is just so hard to tell. To explain.
I want someone to understand but it feels hard to explain it to them.
So I don't try.
I pretend.
I am fine.

But I'm not. I am waiting. But for what?