A Surprise ⇢ Callum Ilott

NINETEEN

"You can talk when you're ready. Take your time, we have all day," Erin said and placed her leg over her knee when she sat down in her chair. 

Catherine laid down on the brown couch and made herself comfortable by putting a cushion behind her head and her stomach, to support her arm. A deep breath left her mouth, and she looked outside. For the first time, she got confronted by the emptiness around her.

It was white outside. The trees and the ground got covered with a white layer of snow. The sky was clear blue, making it possible to look in the distance for quite some kilometres. It looked quiet outside, it looked peaceful. The landscape of Lapland made you feel lost, but it also made you feel at home.

"Can you tell me why you came to Lapland?" Erin asked after thirty minutes of silence from Catherine's side.

"Because Masha asked me to," Catherine answered. "Silly question, isn't it?" She looked around in the room; the walls were covered with bookcases, but it looked calm. It was a typical work office, but different. Perhaps it was because there was a huge window, which made the room light. "I..." Catherine sighed. "I had to leave England."

Erin nodded. "And why did you have to leave England?"

"I had a car accident, and I broke my wrist plus a small crack in the top of the radius," Catherine continued. "And the doctor told me there is a small chance I will ever get back to work. I couldn't stay home, I had to leave, I have to empty my head and get my shit back together." She licked her lips. "Masha said she would go to you, in Lapland, because you're her mum and she asked me to join her. I didn't want to be a bother, so I said no, although I desperately wanted to leave. Masha basically forced me to go, so here I am."

Erin was observing her niece; she was emotionless, and she was trying to avoid to talk about it, yet Catherine agreed on a therapy session at the clinic of her aunt Erin. Erin was trying to figure out why Catherine was not herself, besides the obvious reasons. "Do you remember how the accident happened?"

"The Mercedes drove into an Audi, what drove into me. All passengers died, except me."

"And what is your feeling about it?"

"Bad, obviously. Those people died, and it was nobody's fault because the driver of the Mercedes had a blackout, the driver of the Audi couldn't swerve and hit me. It just feels like crap because I got away with a broken wrist and they didn't survive it," Catherine said. A glossy layer of tears spread over her eyes. "But it took away my dream. God, I sound like a heartless prick who only cares about herself." Her eyes were focussed on the white landscape, but it was all blurry. "I have worked so hard for my achievements, and it was all for nothing." Her voice cracked. "There were periods in my life I worked seven days a week, just to end up at the top. I love to cook, it basically is my life. I got heard, and I got chosen, I got a job at Lilou - the restaurant in England. Anne-Sophie Pic gave me a job in Paris. My career was in its growth." Catherine had difficulties with talking, but she didn't care about it. She was tired of hiding it. Sobs were mixed with her words.

"You're only 22 years old, dear..." Erin looked sorry. "I know you won't accept it, but you are young, and you have a lot of chances in your future." Catherine's words were hopeless, but Erin knew it was because this was the first phase of accepting the situation. It just needed to have time, and Catherine would accept it.

"Fuck," Catherine said and burst into tears. She just realised something, something what she absolutely couldn't forget. How stupid could I be? She closed her eyes, and she pressed her lips onto each other. The muscles of her chin began to tremble like a small child. Catherine gasped for air and the room filled with her ugly sobs. How could she forget about him when he almost always was on her mind?