Winona's POV
I wake to my cat laying on my stomach. You're crushing my soul with your fat, Berry. I grunt and push him off gently. He meows in complaint but he moves.
After I feed Berry and my fish, I eat cereal and watch a YouTube video on my couch. "Mindfulness and Inner Peace" is the title. In the video, it tells me to close my eyes and focus on how I feel towards my self, without bias or negative emotions. I decide to give it a shot, so I inhale and breathe slowly again and again.
Inner thoughts...about myself? That sounds dangerous, but okay. My old therapist told me I needed to be more "introspective", so I'm trying to do that. Focus, Winona, focus. You're getting off of topic already and it's not even been a minute! Ugh!
I scrunch and unscrunch my face in stressful mindset, then try again.
Okay, think. Myself, huh? Mental list, maybe.
Winona.
Mild.
Hard working.
Easy to distract.
Tired.
Boring.
Boredom inducing.
Regret inducing.
Regretful.
Fickle.
Fuckle.
FUCK.
That didn't work as well as I was hoping. My inner word association did me no justice, and I couldn't help be cynical of myself. I just need to take a break and try again later.
The problem I have with myself is I genuinely just don't like myself. Not in the way that I want to burn and die, but in the way that if I met me, I would walk the other way. If I met me, I wouldn't find myself attractive or charismatically charming at all. And my mind is another story.
I just...I can't help these impulses. The thoughts I have are automatic. Obsessive at times, especially when reflecting on the things I've done wrong.
I sigh, exhausted with mentally discussing things with myself, and I decide to call Bee.
The phone rings for a minute and then she answers, "Hey sunflower child, what's up baby?"
"I'm just kinda lost in my head, and honestly I need a good distraction. Can you help out?" I ask her this, feeling rather defeated in a battle with myself.
"Get dressed, I'll pick you up. I'll be there in 20 mins, you should've said that already!" She exclaims and hangs up quickly. I put on regular clothes, then grab my shoulder bag and wait outside for Bee.
As I'm waiting, I notice my neighbor walking my way, and suddenly I feel underdressed and self conscious a bit. He lives in the same complex as I do, we just never really interact. He seems like he'd be a nice friend.
"Hey!" He smirks and waves, then hurries into his apartment. I wave back and Bee pulls up just as he's going out of sight.
Bee's House
I step into her house, and I greet her parents. She still lives at home because she's going to college, and she's trying hard to save her money for a home. Good for you, Bee. I smile at the mental image of her own house.
We go into her room upstairs, and I lay beside her on her bed.
"Anything specific you wanna watch?" She asks.
"Nah, I'm good with whatever honestly." I smile softly, and I feel the bags under my eyes get heavier.
She puts on a horror movie, and halfway through I find myself cuddled into her arms, slowly drifting off. Normally, it'd be weird if I were hanging out with Toni, but Bee doesn't mind. She caresses my hair and I end up falling fast asleep.
When I wake up, it's dark outside. Bee is asleep, and I don't want to wake her. Instead of moving, I decide to cuddle closer and fall back to sleep.
My mind was bad before I came here. I'm so thankful for you, Bee. I think this as I pass out. Thank you, Bee.
YOU ARE READING
Sinking in Broad Daylight
Novela Juvenil"The bruising is soft, I'll be fine." "The mental trauma is irreversible, you need to be more careful." She's fine. She's okay. He's fine. He's never been better. Life goes on. Winona is a 19-year-old introvert, trying to survive the real world out...
