When the Tide Comes In

(This is the first proper fic I've written in months pls)

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.
He makes his way up the hill, silent and steady despite his short breaths and tired limbs. There's no time for fatigue, not now -- not ever. Not again. If he stops moving at any time, if his lungs stop pumping, if his arms still for even a moment. If he rests...

Now is not the time.

A badge is clasped tightly in his right hand, he squeezes it like a vice, flexing his fingers every so often to check that it's still with him. After all, it's one of the only things he has left.

Jean pauses; takes a steady breath. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Seconds pass.

The only way we move from here is up, Jean.

Flashes of chocolate brown hair, sun kissed freckles. A smile that could end wars -- all except for one, Jean -- bucket fulls of earnest honesty and gentle reassurances. Light, peering through the darkness of the world they lived in. An opening for something more than the walls; a chance. The curtains fall, the candle snuffed out. Suddenly the world is a lot colder than it used to be.

You're not a strong person, Jean.

He stops before the oak tree, the last of it's kind within the walls humanity resides in. It towers over the barren field, standing proudly and staking it's own claim on the land that's left.

I know. A tear is wiped away from his face before it can even fully form. I know.

He kneels gently on the ground, facing the trunk, pulling the badge from his own grip and placing it in front of him. He takes a deep breath, and then another.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" He smiles to himself despite the pang in his heart when there's inevitably no response. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

Settling himself fully down onto the floor, he stares up at the leaves and branches above him before bringing his hands to cover his eyes. "You shouldn't have to see me this way." He attempts to laugh the choke out of his voice, but it stutters and fails, falling into a small whimper. "I know this isn't much but... you always pointed to this tree when we were on the walls. You said you wanted to come up here sometime and just.. Admire it... I suppose."

I think I might even climb it, Jean.

"So I made you a little head stone," he leans forward and brushes it off, "so you could finally get what you wanted."

He sits in silence for a while, staring at the gravestone, then bark of the tree; eyes blurring the lines and details of his ever-flickering gaze. Restless and agitated, mouth slightly opening and closing.

And then he stands, throws his head back to look up at the sky and lets out a bitter laugh. Tears fall unceremoniously down blotched red cheeks, but he smiles at a lone cloud in the sky. "I hope that you're up there. So so far away from this mess. But that's not where you're supposed to be. I know I'm selfish, Gods, I know that. Marco... I need you."

I'll always be there for you, Jean.

"But I swear on everything I've ever known that I will win. I'll make it to the water, for you -- for us. I'll be the best goddamn leader you've ever seen, but only because I'm weak." His gaze drops to the badge on the floor and he picks it up, turning it over in his hand and smiling weakly at the barely visible 'M' scratched into the back of it.

He pockets it and turns to face the bottom of the hill, he sees Levi, Eren, Hanji and Mikasa looking around the part of the village that he'd crept away from. He straightens up, moves his head back to look at the stone behind him before his body follows, crouching down in front of it. He brings his hand up to kiss his palm before gently laying it on the ground before him, despite knowing that there isn't a body underneath the soil.

"I'll see you again soon, Marco."

<>

Angry shouts. The fear of a thousand men surrounds him. Hah, more like 300. Will probably be 30 by the time they return. He lets go of the horse's reins, it's a beautiful horse and has served him so well in the years. Patting it gently, he tightens his legs around it's sides to stay upright, and kisses his palm. The hand that once held Marco's ashes. One that held his hand. His face. Any part of him that he could reach. But now it holds a sword, and he's preparing for the titan encounter up ahead.

He's one of the first to reach the abnormal and the first to fire his gear into it's flesh. The first to maneuver around it and prepare his twin blades for the fatal strike --

Which never comes.

He's flung through the air, equipment defect causing his ODM wire to snap in mid air. And so he falls. He barely notices the titan towering above him. His comrades' screams are white noise against the black clouds obscuring his vision. The shadow looming over him makes him shiver slightly, but he realises now that it's not unwelcomed.

The beast's mouth smells like a horror film and Jean can only muster up the strength to scrunch his nose in disgust as he's dropped into it.

Wait. What happened to his legs all of a sudden?

His vision clears for a moment, and he sees him.

"Marco?" He stretches out his arm towards the smiling face, tearing up when the skin he touches is warm. Two hands reach out and pull him up, and he stands once again with the ground back underneath his feet. The titan lies dead ten-or-so meters behind him.

"Jean."

The embrace is tight. Warm. It feels like the lover he'd lost so long ago. So long that he barely remembered what it was like. He stands here now wondering how he could ever forget.

"I don't understand." He moves to look at the titan steaming behind him but Marco gently guides his face back to look at him instead.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Everything is ok."

Jean doesn't seem to notice his comrades riding away; Armin's sobs wracked with grief. He doesn't notice the fallen around him beginning to stand once again.

"It's so good to see you." He laughs shakily and hastily wipes his eyes on the bottom of his cloak.

Marco laughs, then. It's a sweet sound. He intertwines their hands together for the first time in 5 years.

"We can walk freely now. It's a wonderful thing, you'll see." The sun finally seems to shine brightly again.

"Let's go to the water together, Jean."