Todoroki Angst One-Shots | Torment

- No More [2/3]

This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions/behaviors such as purging or eating disorders.

[Third-Person]
Shoto Todoroki

It had been three weeks since Momo confronted Shoto about his concerning eating habits, and for the first two weeks, Shoto succeeded in eating without retching up a single meal. However, halfway through the second week, it felt as though there was an interminable itch he was unable to scratch; the more he dug his nails around for answers that would suffice to allay the smog of withdrawal constricting his being, the more irate the itch became. Once the third week arrived, Shoto couldn't resist the deplorable temptation of surreptitiously purging just once more in hopes to also purge the unfathomable desire to do so in the first place.

So, Shoto once again found himself kneeling down in the bathroom with his head over the toilet and his fingers crawling down his throat. The alleviating feeling of his system being voided of the sustenance he'd choked down jabbed his mind with saccharine delight. Yet, as if to counterpoise such a sublime feeling, he couldn't deny that the whetted claws of self-culpability and self-abasement seemed to be perforating his chest—he couldn't forgive himself for staining his streak of superficial liberty with the fetid upheaval of the contents of his stomach.

Once the third week concluded, Shoto realized that he had so easily slipped back into his previous routines which fueled the flames of his addiction of sorts. Even with this deleterious revelation and the guilt lancing through his chest, he found it to be even more difficult to command himself to halt the actions which preceded the vomiting of his meals.

As Shoto sat beside his wife at the dining table for lunch, the frigid writhing, sloshing, and flopping of his insides deterred him from the idea of eating at least half of what was in front of him—what he'd proposed to work on for Momo—which was cold soba, otherwise known as his absolute favorite food. He twirled a bunch of noodles into his chopsticks and lifted them to his lips, but he was incredibly reluctant to shove them into his mouth.

She told me she would never be upset if I started to relapse, Shoto thought to himself as Sayaka soon joined the two at the table. I still feel like...a disappointment. I should have told her about the sudden urge I had to do that, but I didn't because I didn't want her to know. I feel guilty. I've lied to her about how I feel, and I've been covertly throwing up. I'm disappointed in myself. I feel like I'm not enough for someone like her. After all this...she's still given me her resolute support, her unwavering and insurmountable love, and truthful words of affirmation. There's no one I hate more than myself.

"Dad?" Sayaka queried, causing Shoto to jerk himself free of his thoughts. "I thought soba was your favorite food, so I asked Mom if we could make some. Soba's your favorite, right?" Once she finished speaking, she slurped up a few strands of noodles from her dish.

Shoto nodded with a loose smile, but his heart felt as though it was beginning to shrivel up. "It is. Thank you for thinking about me, Sayaka. I'm...not very hungry right now." He swallowed thickly as Momo placed her hand on his shoulder.

"How come?" Sayaka asked further.

Momo gently massaged Shoto's shoulder as she replied, "Dad...isn't feeling well, Sayaka. He'll be all right, though. I'll make sure of that." She turned to face her husband as an empathetic look flooded through her eyes. "Are you comfortable with a bite or two?" she whispered.

"But won't eating make you feel better? It does for me, Dad."

Shoto detested the truth, and equally did he detest admitting it, but he felt as though his daughter deserved to know the truth. "Sayaka, there's something I need to tell you: I struggle with eating. You'll learn more about eating disorders when you're older, but it's difficult for me to eat...and to eat without throwing up afterwards. Your mind can tell you horrible things, so I ask that you do your best to ignore those. Don't listen to those horrible things, Sayaka." He released a soft sigh as bitter fear scorched his tongue. "Right now, I can't eat. I know...I'd throw it up if I did. Sorry. Enough of that while you're both trying to eat. I'll excuse myself."