My life

Just todays thoughts

I use word shit a lot, it just fits perfectly.
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Just feeling weird, like something is about to go better for me. Nothing is happening.
I am still waiting, for a miracle, for a moment that will get me back on my legs. Still nothing, always nothing.
As a young person, in this black hole that people call life, i feel like a total failure, stranger. Thinking about my future makes me want to never give it a chance to come. So much opportunities. So much pressure. But something keeps me going. Still don't know what. Maybe it's the moment when I can leave, go for a walk, clean my thoughts. Maybe it's when my mom hugs me saying that everything will be fine. It kind of already is, but is not. Shit!
I am trapped in my head, never talking to anyone, but my family and myself. Mostly myself. Talking about being able to go out and enjoy the world. But, also I want a person! One that will keep me safe and warm. Like in the books, movies and unrealistic shit like that. I want to sleep with someone, not in a shit way, but actually be hugged by a warm figure that is able to understand me. I want to love. I am not given a chance to. Why?
.
.
.
Today was stressful, but fine. Uncle came with his kids.
Boy and two girls. The two of them are fine, selfish, but fine. Sad, as evry teen walking this world. But he. He is strange to me. Dark, full of hate and glory, different, in a bad way. I don't like him, kind of scary. I know he would stoop up for me, for sure, because I am still just a helpless girl. He is clueless, tall, a barrier.

I ate pancakes, European pancakes, with cheese, delicious. Also ate a whole chocolate by myself. Drunk a cup of tea, no honey, no sugar, no milk, tasteless. And a bit of water to keep myself alive.
I survived.
Somehow.
In the end it is fine, because I ate. No other reason. What would life be without good food!?
Night, continuing in about 24 hours.
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Live like a main caracter, no matter how it is.