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the one thing that kirishima hated most in the world, was his own reflection. the sight of himself had always caused his mind to go insane with thoughts of hatred, and jealousy. critiquing every possible thing he could, harassing himself for not being good enough. the thoughts and the insults he sent to himself, were a constant routine for the red head, something that was practically second nature; but for a little while, kirishima had become too focused on the blondette who took up all of his time. his mind was no longer filled with the agonizing mindset he had created for himself, but instead filled with the beautiful thoughts of bakugou katsuki.
in kirishima's eyes, katsuki was perfect in every way, shape, and form, no one would ever be able to change that; and he made it evident with how his eyes filled with admiration every time they laid on the blonde. or how his smile would widen whenever katsuki talked to eijiro about .. anything.
but bakugou had felt the same way. he was excellent at hiding it, but it was still clear he loved him. everything was okay, as long as it was eijiro doing it. he'd say yes to things he usually said no to, as it meant that he'd be able to spend a little more time with the red eyed boy; and though katsuki thought eijiro was beautiful, eijiro would never believe him.
and soon, the time that was once spent with bakugou, quickly ended as the latters mind was sent onto something that wasn't kirishima, and the thoughts came back.
tired eyes staring back at him, judging every little thing about himself. it was exhausting, he hated himself, and now he had so much time to ponder on that hatred. he relied on katsuki, relied on his company to distract him. but bakugou wasn't focused on kirishima anymore, rather focused on getting ahead.
"stop blaming your shit on him" his voice was sickly, lacking any sort of confidence. it didn't sound like kirishima, rather who everyone thought kirishima was. eijirowasnt confident, in fact he hated himself with every fibre of his being, as he found nothing of himself to love.
'get your shit together, be grateful he's with you in the first place' the boy internally scolded himself, disappointment written all over his face.
"you don't deserve him, but he's still here"
those were the last words kirishima said, before he became too tired, the words of hatred he replayed to himself became too draining, and though kirishima believed he deserved it; he couldn't risk waking up late, missing the short span of time he had, to talk to katsuki.
after all, eijiro couldn't afford to mess this up. couldn't manage to lose the chance to talk to the perfect boy he admired so dearly.
AN - if i'm gonna be honest , idk what i'm doing right now, but that's okay . i'm not good at writing in first point of view , it's something i struggle with , but i'll try sooner or later . sorry if this is confusing
