Hudson? -1

18 2 0
                                    

—TW: Slurs and homophobia mentioned—

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I've never been fond of myself, nor has anyone really been fond of me

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I've never been fond of myself, nor has anyone really been fond of me. So it's no shocker that I'm homeless at the age of 18, sitting hunched up with my right side leaning against a stone ally wall in an attempt to hide from the rain. The four-inch roof that I was desperately trying to huddle under didn't help much, but it was better to savour the small amount of dryness that it provided. It wasn't even that late at night, only around 8 pm but the storm made me wish the night would pass by sooner.

I think I might freeze to death

Though huddled against the rough stone of the wall, and taking in my situation I don't fear death anymore. If it did sweep me away tonight, it didn't seem like such a bad thing. Tears that I didn't have the ability to hold in anymore streamed down my face. Life is a fucking joke.

Society makes growing up and becoming stable seem so easy, that is if you're white, straight, and a male. I hate that I'm here right now, and I hate the way my soaked clothes stick to my body. I also hate the empty feeling of hunger that I've grown used to, I don't remember the last time I saw myself in a mirror and I really don't want to.

Fuck it.

The thin alley that stood between a cafe and a small business is where I have lived in my time being on the streets. It makes me feel safe and is not big enough for more than a few people to attempt to sleep in. Tonight, I would need to search for a dryer place to sleep. Sure death didn't exactly scare me but if I was gonna die I sure as hell wasn't gonna die feeling shitty while I froze. Definitely would rather have a quick and painless death than suffer like this if anything. So, shakily standing to my feet I wandered off into the city examining the roofs of the businesses I passed.

Just gotta find one big enough to keep me dry for tonight.

My body was cold and would shake in long drawn out tremors that passed through me every now and then. But soon enough hope had filled my eyes, and I looked like I had just won the lottery because I finally spotted a large roof that hung over the edge of its building almost too much. It was a small motel that had dim lights turned on inside of it, the entire vibes of the building screamed WARMTH.

Sadly, though seemingly conveniently for others the building right next to it was a nightclub. There was already a line out the ass and it was now around 8:30. I quickly walk past everyone who was under the club's roof waiting to get in, sitting down under the motels. The thing about the motel is it jutted out a bit more than the club did, and there wasn't exactly an alley, it just went a little farther back before it stopped at a concrete wall. So sadly, I wasn't able to stay completely hidden from the eyes of others walking on the street. But I figured if I turned the other way, leaned against the wall, and tucked my head into my knees then nobody would really mind.

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⏰ Last updated: Jan 18, 2021 ⏰

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