Why Am I Doing This to Myself? - Larry Stylinson - ON HIATUS -

Part 1

They still didn't know about how much Harry loved Louis. How much he needed him. Even when Louis is gone, all Harry would do is talk about him. But he was with Eleanor, right? Not like he's gonna dump her for Harry.

Louis and Harry were sat across from each other, both by the fire along with their other friends, Zayn, Niall and Liam acompanied by their girlfriends. Niall was talking about fans to the rest of the group and every so often someone would add something to what he had said.

"And those Larry shippers," Niall began saying and Harry turned to face Louis while Louis was still listening. "They do my box in. I mean, Louis did tweet that it was bull yestarday, don't they get it?"

Harry tensed up. He didn't know Louis had tweeted such a thing. He felt hurt and almost angry about what he had said about their friendship. No, they didn't talk as much as they used to but that's only because he had to go and make it awkward by saying I Love You.

"I know, it's annoying." Louis commented, not even looking at him. "I mean, it's not real."

As tears built up in Harrys' eyes, he had to bit his lip so he wouldn't cry in front of them. He loved Louis and there he goes saying their friendship isn't even real. He obviously doesn't understand what it's like to love someone, who doesn't love you back.

Even though Harry knew that Louis and Eleanor were in love, he couldn't help but think his best friend wasn't happy with it. Over the past couple of weeks, the glow from Louis' pretty blue eyes had been disappearing. He missed the sparkle in the now unhappy boys' eyes. Also, Louis wasn't as chirpy or giggly as he used to be either. Harry just wanted to see Louis smile, not the fake one he puts on to take pictures with the fans. Harry had to admit, Louis was being sort of a dick to everyone, espesially the fans.

Harry just sat there uncomforble. He didn't want to give his own opinion, that would be crazy. All the boys were looking at him, waiting for him to speak. He opened his mouth but no words came out until he finally swallowed, his throut no longer dry.

"It's a pain." He lied. He loved the Larry shippers. They were one thing who kept him from not quitting the band. If it wasn't for them, he would have been gone months ago. But here he is, sitting with three of his band mates and the person he loved.

As the chatter continued onto something Harry was not interested in, he excused him self and ran off to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror and just sighed at his reflection. The bags under his eyes were darker than before and his cheeks were slightly pink. He smiled slightly, almost amused at how this boy was affecting his life.

There was a knock at the door and Harry jumped. He turned to face the door where the knocking sound was continuing.

"Who is it?" Harry croaked and blushed even more at the way his voice had cracked slightly at the end.

"Harry, hurry up I need a piss." Louis spat from the other side of the door.

Harrys' smile disappeared and he turned back to the mirror. He turned the tap on and washed his hands, making it look like he had actually gone to the toilet. He slowly walked over to the door, opening it slightly when Louis pushed it aggresivly.

"Jesus Christ." Louis muttered as he pushed past Harry. Harry noticed the tears trailing down Louis cheeks as he did so. He didn't want to say anything but his big mouth opened wide.

"What's wrong?" He asked, placing a hand on Louis' shoulder.

"Don't touch me." The crying boy pushed the hand off, making Harry frown.

"Fine." Harry turned on his heels and quickly walked out the bathroom, holding back his own tears.

Louis didn't mean to sound so aggresive surely, Harry was just trying to help. As the door slammed behind his back Harry walked into his bedroom which was across the hall. Leaving the door open but almost closed, Harry walked over to his chest of drawers and picked up the massive photo album that was on top.

He flicked through the pictures of his younger years and got to the pictures of when he became part of one of the worlds biggest boybands, One Direction. He smiled at all the pictures of him and Louis. He liked it when he could take pictures of them both and there would be nothing said about them both. He got to a picture of himself, Louis and Eleanor. Louis was holding her waist and Harry was standing awkwardly, his hands in his pockets and Eleanor and his love were holding each other close.

Harry closed the book carefully, sighing heavily as he sat on the bed just behind him. He just wants to know, why her? Harry's sure Louis knows he loves him and is sure he knew before Eleanor. What made her so special? She doesn't even make Louis happy! Harry could make Louis happy...

"Harry?" Niall sighed, behind Harry with the rest of the boys.

"Mmhm?" Harry turned around to face them.

"We're gonna go." Zayn told me for him. I just nodded.

"Bye," The of the boys said at the same time. The only one who hadn't said it was - of course - Louis. He just looked down on Harry as he walked out the room.

As soon as Harry heard them all leave he began to sob and wail. His hands covered his face as he rocked back and fourth on the bed. He suddenly felt angry and he pulled his hands away from his face, gripping the bed sheets. He stood up and pulled the sheets off the bed, throwing them to the floor. Harry grabbed the book and pulled all the photos out.

"Don't need these, don't want these." He screamed as he put them in a box. He pushed them onto the bed before falling to the ground in tears.

He didn't see the point in trying to get Louis to love him back and Harry had been trying so long to fall out of love. He simply can't. He looked over at the box and sighed, wiping his eyes. He stood up quietly and collected the sheets from the floor, spreading the bed. This happened quiet a lot now. Harry getting mad and doing this. Sometimes he wondered why he was still alive; he didn't want to be most of the time. He cut himself sometimes - no one knew. It took his mind away from Louis for a while; that's why he does it.

"I can't take this anymore." He choked as he stood up. He walked slowly down the stairs and noticed Zayn had left his lighter on the coffee table. He picked it up and shoved it in his jean pocket thinking about what he was about to do. He felt the tears well up in his eyes as he strolled up the stairs and returned to the bedroom.

He sat on the bed, pouring all the photos onto the bed, sitting the box next to him.

"These don't mean anything to me anymore." He whispered in between his sobs. He set one of him and Louis on fire, putting it into the box. He picked up all the ones of him and Louis. Louis didn't care about him.

-

Louis knew he shouldn't have left Harrys' without saying goodbye, but it was for his own good. He didn't want to see him any longer. He loved Eleanor, right? He didn't want to think he loved Harry too...

*

I'm going to continue this... not very good. tell me what you think though...