I feel my eyebrow crease as I hear the doorbell resonates on my quiet house. I wasn't expecting anyone nor did I order anything. I check my phone trying to find if I received some messages from my friends about them coming over but none.
A deep sigh escape my lips as I stood up from my bed and head towards the door as the doorbell chimes again. It's my day off and I was planning for a one whole day of sleeping but I guess I'll have to entertain who ever is in the other side of the door.
As I pass my body mirror near the door I look at myself first and fix my messy hair and my shirt. As I deem myself presentable I walk towards the door and open it. And as my eyes reach the face of my visitor I feel my world stop and took my breathe away.
In his ever so handsome face that I didn't realize I missed so much I can see he was worried that he disrupted me. The way he awkwardly stand in front of me as he tower my whole frame. It never changed.
"P'Gxxod." I finally manage to utter something after a long while of staring at him totally caught off guard.
"Uh... Hi. Uh are you busy? Am I disturbing you?"
"No. It's okay. Do you want to come inside?"
"Would that be okay?" He asked worriedly making me chuckle and shook my head.
"Of course, why wouldn't it? Come on in. Would you like some water? Cola? Or tea?" I said as I open the door widely and let him in.
I head towards the kitchen and grab a bottled water on my fridge as I hear him say water is fine. I can feel my heartbeat increasing as the door clicks close and as I hear his footstep head towards the couch.
I took a deep breathe before I turn around and head towards where he was at. I handed him the bottled water as I took a sit on the single seater chair. He was looking around my house and as he look around I can see that a small smile ghost in his lips and his shoulder easing down a clear sign he's getting comfortable.
As his eyes finally laid into mine, I bit on my lower lips as I see in his eyes flashed sadness and longing. I look away and instead look at my clasp hand. It's been a long time since we last saw each other, it has been so long and yet it feels like it was just yesterday.
I closed my eyes as I feel my emotion spiraling, images of us laughing, cuddling, arguing, shouting and many more in this very room flashed in my eyes. I didn't know having him here after a long while would make me feel such things all over again.
I thought I was okay, that I was making progress but no. Do I even have the right to feel such emotion? When I'm the one who chose this path. I was the one who let go of his hand, I was the one who pushed him away. I was the one who turned his back in our relationship.
I left him broken. I was the one who broke our promises. I was the one who left him and most of all I was the one who hurt him the most. Do I even have any face left to face him like this?
I disregarded all his trust, effort and most of all his love. His love that was oh so warm and real. His love that I know I wouldn't be able to find in someone else ever again. I know full well yet I let him go. I know, I'm fully aware of everything and not a day did I not regret it. But it's all done and in the past.
I'm trying to be better, to find my lost self. I have yet to find my old self and I'm not even sure if I'll ever find that Bas Suradet. But I'm trying my best because I promise myself that as I let go of this wonderful person that I keep on hurting I would find myself that was once worthy of his love.
"This place still looks the same huh." He's soft voice finally grace my ears and I look at him briefly and look at my living room and nod my head.
"Mhm nothing much change."
