"im fine"

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my parents always say "i brought you in this world i can take you out too" and what i want to say is "please mom please take me out i hate it here there's no point in my existence please take me out" but then again i don't want to tell the person that gave me life that i don't want it anymore, and if i did say that it would be awkward because i have never open up to any one before. except one person that is now gone. see i really wish i could be happy but at the same time ive been sad for most of my life so it feels comforting to be sad and uncomfortable to be happy. so i try to hide it with an "im fine" and a "oh yeah im good lets talk about you" when really im the exact opposite. and when i actually have energy i try to have fun but then all the thoughts, the pain, the hurt, the words, they all come back, and it hits me ten times harder to the point where it's comforting to be sad cause when am i not. so there's no point in being happy we all die at some point im just hoping it comes sooner then others. 

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