|| Things Will Change ||

Chapter Three

"A fucking D on a test?!" His father screamed. Denki stood silently in front of them, wringing his wrists nervously, almost afraid his father would hit or slap him. "What, are you fucking stupid or something?!"

Yes, Denki thought immediately. I must be, right? A D on a test...? Nobody else got that grade.

"The fuck caused that to happen?" His mom snapped. Denki didn't answer; it was probably a rhetorical question. He flinched when she yelled, "ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING DUNCE."

"I..." he started, his voice dry and wobbly. It took him a few more tries, earning even angrier looks from his parents. "I can't pay attention- I c-can't-"

"BULLSHIT," his father interrupted. "'I can't pay attention' is a weakling's excuse. IT MEANS YOU'RE LAZY. Do you want that?! I don't want a fucking lazy son!!"

Denki clamped his jaw completely shut. He receded into his own mind as his parents continued the screaming and the insults. At least they loved him, nobody else would love him enough to get him to man up and deal with the yelling. He'd have a boss someday, he'd just have to get used to yelling. That was what his mom always said, anyways, and she was never wrong.

Finally he was dismissed, gritting his teeth as an almost overwhelming urge to cry clawed at his lungs, but he refused. He wouldn't lose his resolve in front of them, he wouldn't. He made his way back upstairs silently, closing his door as slowly and quietly as he could.

He should just leave for good. He was too stupid to even get a C on a test, how could he ever be a hero? Or a friend? Or maybe.. one day a husband? He was weak, he was lazy, he was stupid, he was whiny, he was nothing. And maybe if he reminded himself of it enough, it'd change... or maybe being naive was something to add on to the list.

The razor from the shower. He remembered that at some point in the 'conversation', he'd been told he wouldn't have dinner, to deal with the consequences of another failure. 

Maybe.... maybe he could use the razor instead..

||TRIGGER WARNING: graphic self harm. Basically this whole book is a trigger warning, but please do be careful||

Denki slid quietly into the bathroom, picking the razor up with two fingers, regarding it like a weapon. Which it probably was.

He had no idea how to disassemble it, although he tried anyways, plucking apart the head of the razor and smiling a bit in triumph as the bare blade glinted dangerously in the light. Perfect. He held it up with a trembling hand, ignoring the shake, pressing the cold metal to his skin, it was cold, it was so cold-

Slice.

Denki flinched as a soft burning feeling came from his wrist, the diagonal cut starting to fill with blood.

Another slice. And another. He could see how it could be addicting; someone described it that way to him once, a peer back in middle school who had tried it because of their parents.

That couldn't be him, his situation was different. His parents loved and cherished him, more than anyone else ever would, it was his own stupid fault for cutting himself.

He did it again. He did it because he was stupid, selfish, insensitive, and because he was closeted, and weak. He wasn't even man enough to tell anyone that he was bi.

Denki slowly put the blade down, shaking badly at that point, blood starting to trickle down his wrist. There were so many wounds....

He shivered, sliding the blade into the sink, the blood acting like a suction halfway down. He picked it up again and rinsed the blood off the sink, rinsed the blood off the blade. And finally off his wrist, setting the blade down on the counter directly next to the sink, maybe an inch away.

||Trigger Warning over||

The medical kit sat patiently in front of him, ready to be used again.

He smiled a bit.

He could get used to this.