Waiting in Vain

Kim Minseok sat at one of the benches in Gwanghwamun Park. Feeling the cold breeze of winter and enjoying the snow falling on his pale skin. Savoring the blissful moment of solitude. He was patiently waiting for someone. Someone who won’t come. Now, all that is left for him is to look back; imagining he’s just standing right there, laughing and cherishing every moment that was left for them. This is how their story goes.

They’ve been friends since forever. He can still remember their cute faces they had during their innocent and worry-free smiles days. Luhan easily cries when he got scolded. He would often sulk in front of Minseok. He doesn’t mind that because when he does that, he feels like he’s someone he could rely on. And he is still doing that even now that they’re already grown-ups. “Minseokie. Same place. Same time.” Luhan messaged him. Minseok already knew that he have problem right now. He immediately stopped all the things he was doing that time. He ran as fast as he could. Causing him to become out of breath. As he looked around, he found Luhan sitting on a bench; with his hand on his forehead as if he’s in a deep melancholy. Minseok walked towards him and sat on the same bench. The silence became more apparent. Minseok didn’t knew that this silence could be so loud; a destructive loud sound. So, he spoke first. “Lu---“. As he was about to speak, Luhan abruptly cut him off. “I will be going back to China tomorrow.” Luhan declared in a brave voice. “Oh. So, when will you plan to go back here?” Minseok interrogated. “I will be there for good.” Minseok found himself at a loss for words.  Breathing was becoming difficult, his vision was slowly fading into darkness. There was a last gasp of air then… nothing. His consciousness drifted away as Luhan was trying to tell him something.

            Minseok awoke to a place that was so bright; like heaven. He saw Luhan at the bedside; with his face buried between his crossed arms. He reached out and ran his fingers through Luhan’s soft hair, causing him to wake up. Luhan stirred awake and was immediately alarmed. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You had a heart attack because of me. Because of my carelessness.” Luhan burst into tears. “Why?! If I had told you, is there anything else that you could do? Would my sickness have gone away? Are you still going to leave?” Minseok shed his tears; he wanted to stay strong. Luhan hugged him, still in tears and bravely uttered, “I’m sorry, Minseok. I need to go back to China. I want to fulfil my dream to be a singer. I’m sorry but, I don’t want to see you anymore, ever again.” With his full courage, Minseok answered, “Sshhh… Uljima (Don’t cry). I understand. I will be looking forward for your singing career. I promise Luhan. This will be the last time. The last time that you will see me. Thank you for everything, best friend.” They both parted from the embrace. Luhan gave a beanie to Minseok. “This is to protect you from the cold weather. Winter is approaching, please take good care of yourself. I will dedicate all of my performances to you. Thank you for everything. Goodbye, Minseok.” Luhan turned his back and left. In the back of Minseok’s mind, he’s thinking, ‘Is this what they call the good in goodbye?’

            Thinking that music is an escape, Minseok continued his piano lessons with Mr. Jeon; father of Yoo-jung Jeon. Yoo-jung Jeon is a blind girl who is Minseok’s first love. Minseok would always lost his focus whenever he sees Yoo-jung. At first, he thought that Yoo-jung is a snob girl but after a day of stalking her, he learned that she’s blind. One day, Minseok learned that Mr. Jeon would always hit Yoo-jung's hands when she hits the wrong keys on the piano. He felt very sad for Yoo-jung. After Mr. Jeon left his daughter, due to disappointment, Minseok sneaked in the music room where Yoo-jung is. The girl likes to eat candies so much, more like her comfort food. Candies spilled on the floor, so Minseok helped out in picking up those. He also helped Yoo-jung in playing the piano. He taught her daily; like it’s in his routine. With this, Mr. Jeon was really surprised seeing her daughter playing the piano well, without knowing that it was because of Minseok. One day, in the midst of practicing, Minseok felt a pain in his heart. Good thing that he always have his emergency medicines. Yoo-jung didn’t know about Minseok’s health condition. Because of the noise that she heard, somewhat like the sound of medicine tablets, Yoo-jung asked, “What’s wrong?” Minseok hurriedly replied, “Nothing.” He picked a candy from jar and fed her that so that Yoo-jung will think that Minseok only ate a candy. After the practice, they’re always going to the Gwanghwamun Park, Luhan’s and Minseok’s favorite place. They sat on the same bench. Yoo-jung slowly ran her hands across Minseok's face, wanting to remember every contour. Minseok let it happen for a while closing his eyes and feeling her touch, but after a while, he tenderly grabbed her hand and put it close to his heart. He suddenly felt pain in his heart. The pain caused by his heart’s failure. But this time, it is more likely because of the pain that he will not be able to be with this girl forever. “Hmmm.. Yoo-jung-ah, What is the one thing that you want to experience the most?” He asked out of the blue. “I want to be able to see; to see many, many things. I want to see your handsome face. Everyone, everything. I hope that I might finally have an eye donor before the snow stops falling.”, Yoo-jung answered. “Yoo-jung-ah. Saranghaeyo.” The girl just smiled. Minseok felt happy because he already knew the answer to it. He gently kissed Yoo-jung’s forehead as a sign of respect. “Nado saranghae, oppa.” Yoo-jung replied. “Oppa will be away for three weeks, okay? I have some matters to attend to. I promise to be back before the last snow of winter comes.” After that, Minseok took Yoo-jung to her house.

“Mr. Park, I decided not to push through with the heart transplant.” Minseok strongly said. Minseok already knew that he will die before the last snow comes in this winter. “Have you consulted that matter with your parents?,” worriedly asked by the doctor. “Yes. They said that if that’s already my decision, they will support me. I have to do this because I want to fulfil my girl’s dream. Please let me be the eye donor of Ms. Jeon Yoo-jung. I beg you to start the operation before the snow stops falling. And please don’t let her know that I am the donor.” Mr. Park let out a heavy sigh. “Okay. If that’s what you want. Just sign this waiver. I’ll get going, Minseok. Goodbye.” Mr. Park just tapped his shoulder and left.

Three weeks passed and the most awaited last snow is approaching. Minseok returned to Mr. Jeon’s house as expected and promised. He handed the waiver. “Mr. Jeon. I know this sounds so foolish but I decided to be the eye donor of your daughter.” Mr. Jeon read what the content of the waiver is. With an astonished expression, he asked, “Why do you have to do this, Minseok?” “Because I love her. I love her with all my might. For me, sacrifice is an expression of love. Your daughter wants to see God’s given grace. I know she will be the happiest after the operation. Please take good care of her. Don’t let her know that I’m already dead sooner. Just make it out that I just went to a different country and I’ll be staying there for good. Goodbye, Mr. Jeon.” Minseok immediately turned his back and leave.

Minseok also stopped his medications. He just lock his room and stare by his window pane. Watching the snow falling from above. He really enjoyed that scenery. He spent his last days writing letters and recording videos for his loved ones, reminiscing every memory he had; both happy and sad, and praying and confessing all his sins to God. And so, Minseok lay there on his bed, weak, tired, and alone, but content with what has happened. He wouldn't want it any other way. He has no regrets. With the image of his loved ones in his mind, Minseok's consciousness now slowly drifts off into its eternal slumber.

Yoo-jung’s eye transplant was a success. Up until now, she doesn’t know that the boy she love was already dead. She’s always going to the same place they are going to. Still doing the things they are doing. Playing the songs they used to play together. Sing their favorite songs they used to listen together. She’s still waiting for someone. Waiting for someone who will never come again. She’s still holding on to Minseok’s promise that he will come back. Even though now, that she’s just waiting in vain.