AOT/SNK oneshots

☾ 𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐡

☾*✲⋆

The world in which they lived in was tough and unforgiving. This was a fact everyone knew but refused to acknowledge. If you ignore a problem, it is very likely to go away, right?

However, the commander of the Survey Corps couldn't pretend the way everybody else does. He was not allowed such privilege. Not when his hands were so covered in blood. His exterior was always solid. The Survey Corps had enough issues as it was, starting with the lack of support from the inhabitants of the walls. Should he permit himself to show vulnerability, it would cause even more problems to seep through to the headquarters that he so heavily longed to protect. No matter his intentions, he couldn't shake the fact that the faces of the cadets that were missing from the dining halls or training grounds were due to his leadership mishaps during expeditions. He'd attempted several times to convince himself that they were no longer here because they had been too weak, or because they hadn't refined their skills as much as they might've needed to during training, but he'd always find himself back at square one, with no one to blame but himself. The haunting questions echoed loudly in his head. What if the formation had been different? What if he'd delayed the expedition to give the recruits more time to train? What if? What if?

What if?

However, he could not afford to spend his time wallowing in self-pity. His choices had already been made. The consequences had already played out. He had to keep his chin up to keep the current soldiers alive. He could never achieve his father's dream without their help. It was crucial to him that they remained intact. In all honesty, he had never paid too much attention to the cadets. He couldn't bring himself to, knowing that their demise was most likely to be met because of one of his decisions. He wasn't worthy of knowing what amazing people he was about to rob the world of. As such, the only words you'd hear from the cadets themselves about their commander would be 'cool', 'composed', 'down-to-earth', but no one would hear the sighs of self-deprecation he'd let out when he was alone in his office. He had thought of quitting numerous times, but he was in too deep already to leave. He might as well accomplish something before having to face the consequences of his actions.

He could hear the laughs of the recruits under his window as they lounged in the sun on their day off. The fact that they were still capable of laughing put half a smile on his face. He was happy to know he hadn't ruined their lives completely. He decided that he could use a break from his paperwork as well. He'd heard from Hange multiple times that staying in his study all day wasn't going to lessen the weight on his shoulder, no matter how much he hoped it would. With that thought in mind, he decided to chase after the laughter he'd heard, hoping it was enough to silence the voices in his mind, even if it was just temporary.
Walking across the headquarters, he realized how long it had been since he'd been out of his office. The people he came across either gave a smile, a salute, or a nod, all of which indicated respect he was sure he didn't deserve. He'd nod back however, putting his full sincerity into that one tiny gesture, to indicate how sorry he was. Sorry that he couldn't guarantee their survival during the next expedition, and that they had no idea of that.

The dining hall was quite rowdy, mostly everybody had gone back inside to shield themselves from the wind that was about to appear as the sun set. Erwin's face remained cold as he observed each one of them after the other, not being able to help the feeling of nostalgia creeping up the pits of his stomach. He missed the days when getting a loaf of bread in the cafeteria was his biggest concern.

"You look horrible."

Erwin turned to find Captain Levi standing to his right. He brushed off his comment.