A Struggle - TayNew Oneshot

A Struggle

Third Person point of view

It was particularly a cold July day in Bangkok. The sky, toned with the mood of Dark Blue Kiss's set, was not only gloomy but also ready for a downpour. It was the final scene for that day, and the crew was occupied with checking the angles fit for the scene, doing their best to avoid any retakes. Currently on set, P'Yangyi and New were resting on different sides of the room, both having reached exhaustion with the script's emotionally strenuous scenes. For New, each and every scene scripted for the day was much too triggering, forcing him to request their director - P'Backaof - for a 10-minute break.

Taking refuge in his corner, New began revising his script to delve into the emotions of his character. The scene started off with Kao sitting on his bed, thinking about the day that unfolded. His constant pillar of support, Pete, not talking to him affected him greatly, and moreover, the allegations of sexual harassment had cost him his job. Kao felt like he disappointed everyone around him and he was all alone. Having read the script a few times, it was evident that he needed to portray heartfelt poignancy.

Yet, he could not recollect this particular scene. Not willing to let the nerves get to him, he brushed it off and continued reading the scene. After that Kao's mother would come into his room for a chat about what happened in the morning. Kao needed his mom to believe him, so he had to ask, even though he was afraid of the answer that would be given to his mother. But he was relieved to know that she believed him and also explained that he would not be able to do such an act and the reason why she didn't tell anything to Non's father was because there was no use. This made Kao think that he should talk about his sexuality, until the last moment he was internally debating whether or not he should confess that he likes boys.

New had to take a moment. This particular emotion was much too personal for him. He struggled to not think about his own experience of coming out to his mother, but it was inevitable. Inside, he knew that expressing the inner turmoil that Kao was going through would truly help bring out the raw emotion of the scene, but his heart constricted tightly at the flashes of past memories that were now flooding his thoughts.

***

January 2018

It was this year that New confirmed his romantic attraction toward guys. His on-screen partner, Tay, helped him a lot as he had come out much earlier in life. Though Tay had no experience in the department of romance, he was clear that he was attracted to anyone regardless of their gender identity. Tay came out as pansexual to his close friends during 2016. Being in the BL industry, all his friends were supportive of him, and he even came out to his own family a few months later. New was not as brave to come out, but he identified as bi-curious which helped him understand his unexplainable attraction to Tay and men in general.

New was ecstatic to have confessed and gotten into a relationship with Tay, but his family on the other hand, was not happy about it. When New had announced his sexuality and relationship with Tay, they were disappointed and angry. New's mother asked him to break up with Tay and date a girl, while his father sat silently. It was then that he knew that he should have taken Tay's offer to come. He was consumed with regret having come out to his family, and drowned in fear. At that moment, New craved comfort but all he had gotten was cold stares from his father and loud sobs from his mother.

After that incident, neither of his parents contacted them, nor did New contact them. He was utterly disheartened. Tay offered to talk to them but New turned down his offer once again. Instead, he plunged himself into work to avoid thinking about them. His parents spoke to him only after the confirmation that he was acting in Love Beyond Frontier and disregarded the series that was to be followed. Eventually, his interaction with his parents decreased to mere pleasantries and nothing more.