Don't let go

Dedicated to my best friend, Larissa. Love ya!

---***---

She staggered into my apartment, hair disheveled and tear tracks down her cheeks. I had barely gotten to her in time before she collapsed onto me, fingernails digging into my arm for support.

"Jennifer..." I tried to ask her what happened, if she was okay, but her sad, blue eyes looked into mine and I stopped. Even a whisper could shatter her in my arms.

"I...I..." she tried to tell me but I shushed her silently conveying that we didn't need to talk about this right now. It could wait.

Holding most of her weight I led her to the bedroom. She was like a small child, unresponsive and incapable of caring for herself. I had to undress her. Put her pajamas on. I brushed her teeth and wiped away the makeup that hadn't been cried off. All the while her empty blue eyes stared off into space and one hand was always rested somewhere upon me.

I led her to bed, laid her down, and covered her. As soon as I climbed into the other side she curled up against me, wrapping her arm around my waist and resting her head against my shoulder.

I drew patterns in her back until she fell asleep.

---***---

It must have been hours later after I drifted off to sleep that I felt the bed trembling. I opened my sleep filled eyes to see her body, shaking and curled up with a death grip around my body. I tried to move her so I could see her eyes, to try and communicate without words but she buried her face further into my neck and gripped my shirt with her fists, knuckles turning white.

"Emily..I.." She sobbed into my neck and her tears were hot against my skin. I tried to wipe them away, but they were coming down like rain.

She spoke again,"I read his file". Oh. My heart broke for her. I blinked away the tear in my eye because she needed me to be strong. She needed me to hold her up in the water, not drown us both.

"Jennifer-" My voice broke, "Jennifer I am right here." But the words did not seem to penetrate through the barrier of tears.

"Emily I..cant..I can't do this" She was so broken, torn.

"I can help you, you are not alone." I was trying. Trying to soothe. Trying to calm her.

"Please don't leave me. Ever" she whimpered.

I tried to dry her face with my sleeves now that the tears were slowing, "I won't ever leave you".

"Promise me, Emily! Promise me..promise you won't leave"

"I promise I will never leave you, Jennifer" I planted a kiss on her forehead. Her eyelids flittered shut and she let out a deep breath.

"Promise me again." This time it was a soft demand.

"I promise. Forever." I will promise her forever and I will say it everyday if that's what she needs.

I felt her grip loosen on my shirt. Immediately I felt a throbbing start in my side. She must have grabbed my skin too.

She placed her now free hand on my cheek and raised her head to look into my eyes. "Please, Emily, again" she whispered.

"I promise to never leave you, Jennifer" I whispered back. A tear fell from her eye and I captured it with my lips placing a small kiss to her cheek. I sat us up more and she wrapped both her arms around my neck. Our cheeks touched as she rested her head against me.

"I shouldn't have read it." Her voice was still shaken.

"But you did."

"It was a mistake. A big mistake."

"Don't do this to yourself"

"I'm so scared Emily." And the tears were back in her voice, threatening to break out again.

I ran my hand through her hair, trying to untangle it like I was trying to fix her. "You will always have me, Jennifer. Maybe not at work anymore, but I will always be right here when you need me. You are all I care about."

"It's not enough" She whispered.

No. I would not accept this.

"Don't say that. We can work this through." My voice was frantic, almost panicking.

"I'm so sorry, Emily. I love you so much." She kissed me, her lips chapped and salty.

And then she was gone.