- when life hurt you every singel day-vol2
She has been more than a best friend to me for an eternity. But yet, I still do not know how to articulate and express my
true feelings. Her name? Natalie. It is a fitting name for her; innocent and beautiful. We were both 15 years old. Although
I was head over heels for you, I could not tell you because of him. You have had a thing with him for a couple months now,
and every time you tell me a story about him, I wear a fake smile to avert the fact that I'm madly in love with you.
There were many nights I would just say, "ok?" and I would always hope for the response of "ok." . Though this was one word
consisting of two
letteres , the meaning was worth a million. Night by night would go by, not one without us ending up texting or skyping until 1am
about nothing and everything. We would always marvel at the fact that we had EVERYTHING in common, including birthday.
Natalie would constantly tell me that she felt like something was supposed to happen in the past (we have been in love with
each other as we were idle and away). I would spend many days with 3 hours of sleep, but yet still refreshed from the
conversations that we had in the morning before. It truly is refreshing knowing that you can says ANYTHING and EVERYTHING
to the person - except the true feelings that you have for them. Unable to contain my frustration, and depression,
I constantly left holes in my wall, covered by posters, and ending up with blood stained knuckles. The taste of metal filled my
mouth every time I thought about the fact that I could not have you; impossible to bear. Having tried to get over you, with
another girl I will call Cee. Although I would talk about Cee a lot, I still could not get part of my heart back of which you
contained in your hands. Those nights of listening to sad music and reading depressing stories, I could no longer hold it in
but to start writing my own.
She was the light in the darkness of the abyss, the abyss that tortured me. She gave me more warmth and light than the sun,
and the sun would barely even compare to it.
There were many times where I would have asked if you were ok, but your response came an hour later, although, it felt like a
century. At least an ok was said in the many responses, until the one day where you said you could no longer take it:
I glanced outside my window with my guitar at my lap, rain was falling, but the noise refreshing. It began to get worse and worse,
and then a terrible burning sensation hit my heart; then I knew something was wrong. My phone began to vibrate, but I ignored it
as I never answer my phone while making a song. Then there was a moment where it stopped, but then it started vibrating again
rapidly; I barely every get calls.
I thought to myself, this is going to be no good, and on the other line, there she was. I could hear the rain hitting the ground in the
background, and cars softly passing as well; she began with, "A, I need help, my parents are yelling..." That was the moment everything
seemed to stop: my thoughts, the words I heard, and an uncomfortable silence filled the air. Forgetting I was still on the line, in
shock I was, I was speechless. She hung up due to the silence, but seconds later I called her back and said, "I'm coming on my bike",
She mentioned she was in the cemetery, I remember hearing that before she hung up the first time, then she said something along
the lines that shes walking back home. Keep in mind she lives around 20 minutes away from myself by bike. I said something along
the lines of "are you really?", then it took her a while to text back. During all of this, I jumped down the stairs, and grabbed my bike
off the wall of the garage, and threw it outside in the pouring rain. My mind still blank, I did not even care anymore. I went outside
in the 50degree weather with only a t-shirt, shorts, and sandals. I began pedaling through the rain, barely
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