My imagines

Losing her forever - Louis p.o.v. imagine

"Louis are you still with us?" Liam asked me nicely "of course I am" I said slowly looking trough the window "mate you don't seem okay" Liam said "I am. Where are we?" I asked and tried to focus on the meeting "at our new album" Simon said in an angry tone. That night with Y/N was still in my head, the night before she got back together with Harry. That broke me, Harry is my best mate and I could trust him with everything, but now... He broke my heart as well. I know he didn't mean to but he did, him and Y/N. I think to much about her and to be honest since that night I wasn't 100% myself or paying my full attention to something "I need a break" i said quickly, seeing Harry giving me a look saying 'I'm truly sorry' I just nodded to give him a bit of comfort. I knew Harry was broken as well, but he loves Y/N and she loves him. And I can't do anything about it. My moments of weakens, lack of concentration and my occasional insolence definitely did not come at the right time. My head hoped that they'll just leave my alone, but my heart needs to confess to someone. I walked up the stairs, on the roof of the building. I was thinking about the past weeks... Harry and Y/N were so happy,smiling, giving kisses and all this little things I wish I could do. They tried not to go all mushy and things in front of me, I was grateful for that. It hurt enough without that. What did I do in these few weeks? Nothing. I just felt sorry for myself. Harry was desperately trying to make me smile and i knew it hurt him so much seeing me all numb. All the boys tried to be honest but I just couldn't. I just couldn't smile, it felt....Wrong...Just so wrong. I just locked myself in my bedroom like a depressed guy. Liam asked me multiple times if I need a talk but I refused to and also Y/F/N gave a bit more attention to me in this weeks. To everything they said I just shook my head and tried that things solve themselves. "It was just one night" I said to myself multiple times. But with Harry and Y/N only one night created a beautiful thing - Olivia. We didn't have sex... That night was just so amazing because of her....

*flashback*

"Y/N are you here?" I asked, when I walked in the living room of her apartment "I'm in the bathroom Lou" she shouted so I could hear her "so are you ready?" I asked her. We were planing on having a movie night. "Yeah, I'm ready!" she said and came form the bedroom "how do I look?" she asked "stunning as always" i said honestly. She grabbed my hand "we'll be late" she said and on our way we were.We had so much fun watching the film and then having some fun in the shopping centre. Her smile, her eyes, her laugh it almost paralysed me. It was so amazing and like the best music to my ear. Around midnight we were finally walking up the stairs of her flat. When we were inside she gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. "What was that for?" I asked still hugging her "nothing" she said with a bit of pain in her voice. She let go of the hug and disappeared into the kitchen. "What you doin'?'' I asked "just cleaning, Olivia is at Danielle's so this is the only time I actually have" she explained with a smile "ow...But you know it's midnight, right? People sleep at this times" I said with a smile "I know" she said "Could you stop for a bit?" I asked "I just need to clean the counter, you can wait 2 minutes, right?" she flashed me her beautiful smile and i could barely answer her "sure. I'll wait on the couch" i quickly said and left. I sat on the couch,feeling so nervous. I didn't know what will happen after this. "Okay would you like something to drink?" she asked from the kitchen "sure, glass of water please" I answered and the nervousness build. She almost danced into the living room, she was stunning, like always. "So what's up Lou?" she asked a bit unsure "I need to talk to you" I said at first "I'm all ears" she said with a weak smile "Y/N... You mean the world to me. I love you so much, I have this feelings in me for such a long time now and I can't take another day without you. I'm in love with you and all your little things" I said looking her into her eyes "Louis.... that was beautiful..." a tear slipped her eye "so saying this makes it even harder. Louis I'm sorry but I'm in love with Harry... We were planing to tell you tomorrow" she explained with tears in her eyes "then what was tonight for?!" I asked in a rude tone "i just wanted to have some fun with my best friend because i knew I'm gonna lose you after we would tell you" she was crying now. As much as I wanted to hug her tight and tell her "everything is gonna be okay" i knew this was a lie and that nothing is okay. I grabbed my coat and ran out of her flat. The pain inside my heart was unreal, too much to handle. I was thinking of going into a bar and just drink away my pain but i new that wasn't the solution. 

*end of flashback*

(au/n I suggest you start playing the song on the side  and you must wait for him to start singing )

I stopped the memories. There were just the painful ones left. Finally, I stood on the roof, the wind was messing my hair. I leaned on the wall next to the door and tried to arrange my thoughts. The cold wind was helping a bit but i could still feel a warm tear slipping down my cheek. I left it. When I as younger I cried for less. "Why am I not lucky in love?" I whispered to the wind, I can deny it all i want I was so jealous of those cute couples enjoying each others love and being so damn happy. I would give anything to whisper into Y/N's ear how beautiful she is, how she makes my day by smiling, how mine is she is, to kiss her and to flash her one of my best smiles. I heard that someone opened the door, I didn't want to know who it was. Especially if it was Simon. "Boo Bear..." I heard Harry's voice "I'm okay" I said far to quickly. "I know you're not, I was carefully watching you these few weeks and I know you're broken. Not just your heart but you Lou, you are broken!" he said with pain in his voice, his voice was cracking all the time. "I'm okay Hazz" I said again "No you are not Lou. Simon said that maybe you need a break or something. He wants to send you home for a month. That means you'll be not working on our album with us" Harry said concerned. "Do you want that Louis? Well do you?" he asked in a bit rude tone, so the words hit my brain hard "no, of course not" I said more as a whisper "than please Lou, please tell me what's wrong... Please" he begged me. "How can I tell you? You are currently dating the girl who I love more than my life" I confessed to him and broke down. Tears slipped down my cheeks. He stepped towards me and hugged me tight. "That's what you needed Lou" was my first thought "tell me everything Boo Bear. I'm here for you" Harry said and hugged me even tighter. I didn't know if I can hug him back, the pain was overwhelming my heart. After sometime I finally put my arms around him and hugged him after such a long time. I told him everything, I was crying and my voice was cracking all the time, we sat on the roof, crying on each others shoulders. Harry was crying as well, seeing me all broken and when he heard the pain I was going trough. "Why didn't you tell me Lou? Why didn't you tell me you love her that much?" he asked "I don't know... I just couldn't Hazz" I said. "I feel like a teen aged girl" I said after sometime "you're amazing Boo Bear, that you tried to hide your love and still be you beside that pain is just incredible. I admire you so much" Harry said ignoring my comment. "Thank you Hazz, for everything" I said back to him "no, thank you" he simply said. "Sometimes love is not enough, I just don't know why..." I quietly said. He helped me get up and we stared at the city beneath us. I was thinking about the pain inside my heart, I just wanted to see her smile again, I wanted to see her again and most of all I wanted to say she is mine, I want to say it so bad. I closed my eyes and pretended I'm alright. Harry out his arm on my shoulder, a gutsier saying "Lou you're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be alright". I smiled to him, after sometime that was my first real smile.