and we'll all dance alone to the tune of your death

(only go so far 'till you bury them)

Did your demons ever wake you up?

You know, you don't have to worry about it. You can admit that you have voices in your head that tell you to do some things and make you feel ashamed of yourself afterwards. It's safe for that here. He wants to believe it's not him that something's wrong with. He wants to believe that so bad. 'Cause if then, you could understand him, right? Because, for what seemed like a century, Shoto Todoroki had been dealing with these 3 am wake ups. His mom always told him this was satan's hour. It was when all human beings felt their darkest sides. That's why he should've been a good boy, and stayed in his bed, sleeping tight. Maybe only if he listened to what his poor mother had to say with her sore throat and that small voice, his life wouldn't have fucked up this bad now. But little did he know he would lose the sanity he managed to keep that long. "God"s plan wasn't what poor Shoto wanted to follow. Poor Shoto, no fun for you- Shut up.

The boy shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was still hearing his voice every night. It had been five months since the incident but since then Shoto didn't have one night without nightmares. He even had a concerning count of panic attacks. He was waking up with a jump and dissociating for a long enough time to make him think he's still in the hospital, consequently causing him to have panic attacks that took whatever felt like days.

It wasn't easy. Oh Sweet Lord, it wasn't easy. It was nothing close to easy. But his friends and siblings have helped him a lot though. He knew he wouldn't have survived from these months without them. Especially, one person helped him get through all. Midoriya... He'd been in love with him for a while now. And to be honest to himself, Shoto knew his feelings for Midoriya affected his life decisions very strongly. Also, he was receiving what he was giving too. I mean, he thought so. Well actually everybody knew green haired boy loved Shoto as much as he loved him. They were just, in love. He guessed. Shoto didn't actually know what it felt like to love and to be loved so he couldn't really use the comparing method to understand his feelings. So he decided that the way he felt safer around Midoriya than how safe he felt with his own family should be called love. He knew he was being loved too. He just knew. You just know it when it is, you know?

They didn't have a proper talk about this, neihter did they have a relationship but both of them knew what was going on. They had things to take care of and to do, they both didn't have time to have a relationship. They wouldn't have the chance to live a relationship anyways. It was no use to cause more stress for both themselves and each other. They agreed on all of this so Shoto was just enjoying his company, as always. Shoto always looked up to and liked Midoriya. Oh and, don't worry he doesn't call him Midoriya all the time. He just makes fun of him with it now 'cause its his hair colour. Whatever. Why was he thinking about Izuku? Eh, that's how it goes i guess, he thought.

He got up from his bed and walked out of his room to get a glass of water. He walked quietly to the kitchen. His head was making it hard to enjoy the silence though. Because as he kept walking through the hallways, the memories kept coming back to life in his head. He stopped walking where he stood and looked down at the hall where his siblings used to play all the time. Let me play with Touya-nii and others for just once! No. He shut his eyes. No. Not now, not again. He wasn't ready, nor strong enough. Touya, stop! Are you out of your mind?! No, stop it. See, Shoto, your brother isn't that big on feelings anymore! Shut the fuck up. His laugh was echoing in his ears.

He had himself walking faster to the kitchen. He needed to calm down before he did something wrong. He entered the kitchen. He was going to drink some water and it should be alri-

"Shoto?" He startled and turned to the voice. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Fuyumi? Why are you awake at this hour?" She showed the books and papers in front of her.