red brick heart chap 16

Chapter 16 of Red Brick Heart

After breakfast with all four of the Tomlinson girls, who have apparently already been out in the garden to play with the snow, Harry has a shower and puts his warmest clothes on – at Louis' insistence – and finds him downstairs watching the music channels, wrapped in a big jumper and trackies, a beanie pulled down over his head and a football on the floor next to him.

"Ready?" Harry says, putting his own beanie on, still-damp curls fanning out over his ears. Louis nods and gets up from the sofa, giving him an unsure smile.

"I'm weirdly nervous," he says, tucking the football under his arm. Harry leans in and presses a feather-light kiss to his cheek.

"Don't be. Let's go."He waits as Louis locks up the house, the street covered in that thick silence that always comes with snowfall: like the world has just stopped and taken a break for a while, cars stationary in driveways or up against the pavement, big scoops of snow swiped for snowball fights, a singular tyre track leading away from Louis' house and down the street. They walk close to each other as they head off, shoulders jostling and breath clouding in front of them, passing groups of kids pelting each other with snowballs in the empty streets.The park is about fifteen minutes' walk away, smack bang in the middle of the estate, and this early in the day there aren't that many people around; Louis leads them over to a bench by a tree, its branches creaking with snow, and wipes the bench clear so they can sit down. Harry does so, staring out into the distance for a while as Louis puts the football between his feet, rubbing his gloved hands together and saying, "So."

"So," Harry repeats.

"I'm going to start with, um. An apology for everything," he says, as Harry turns towards him so they're facing each other. "I'm so, so sorry. For pushing you away. For everything. I was just so afraid of messing things up that, ironically, I fucked it all up." He says, elbows on his thighs. 

"I mean, it wasn't great, but, like. It's not ruined."Louis smiles thinly. "Harry. If I hadn't been such a giant idiot we could have been, like, together for a whole month now. If that's what you still want, you know."

"Yeah," Harry says, shakily breathing out. "Of course I do."Louis nods, resting the back of his hand against Harry's thigh. 

"Me too. I do. But I owe you some stuff explained, before we, like, you know. Then you can decide, you know, if you still want me."

"I'll always want you. Even if you're, you know, about to confess to murder," Harry blurts out. Louis laughs softly, shaking his head. 

"We could run away and be outlaws on the lam."

"It's nothing quite that exciting, sorry. It's just me." He sighs heavily, rolling the football between his feet. 

"I don't really know where to start."

"From the beginning, maybe? Like. Why did you take two gap years? I thought you hated all those entitled people."Louis raises his eyebrows, giving a short chuckle. 

"Yeah. Well. Wasn't exactly my choice, really. I failed my A-Levels first time. Big time. Bummed around a bit while all my friends got jobs or went to uni, got drunk a lot, tried to sleep with as many girls as possible to try and prove to myself that I liked them. As you can imagine, it didn't really work. I went a bit crazy for a while, got fired, nearly wound up in hospital a couple of times. Mum wasn't pleased." He sighs again, and Harry watches as his brow furrows, staring out at the distance.

 "She said she'd kick me out if I didn't sort myself out, so one of her mates got me a job at a pub, where I met the guy I told you about. Kris, his name was, Kris with a K, camp as anything. I sort of realized maybe that was what was wrong with me, I'd spent the last few months trying to forget how I'd fucked up my education and my personal life, and he made me feel a bit better about myself, 'cos I'd figured out a bit of the puzzle, you know? Like oh, that makes sense, that's why I'm acting like that. Sorry. I'm not explaining myself very well."