One Day

Beautiful

One day, you will stand in front of him wearing nothing but your underwear. You will look at him, feeling heat all around you for all sorts of reasons, but you don’t waver your gaze from his—even as his eyes will go wide and his cheeks go red. He will swallow hard enough to make his Adam’s apple tremble, but he will turn around in bed and look at you. You will clench your hands, and you will talk.

He is not your first. You have long left your first behind you, in a trail of mutual anger and sorrow, but this is will be the first time you have been with anyone since then. You will tell him this. He will nod, because he will likely have figured it out by now. You will also reveal that you’ve waited so long to be with anyone because the last time you had sex was after your first boyfriend whined and made you feel guilty for “denying” him for so long—and you ended up hating yourself for it. Then you tell him of how your first always tended to do that, guilt others into doing shit for him, moan whenever things don’t go his way, and how he rarely took responsibility for his own mistakes.

Your first boyfriend wasn’t abusive, you are certain of this; just immature. Immature enough for you to become sick of him, his constant excuses concerning his oft dead-end job search (“Yeah, I like the idea of this position, but I don’t like that I’ll have to travel that far...”, “Eh, money wasn’t good enough.” And of course, “I don’t want to be far away from you.”), sick of how you bent so easily to his will, and it was all enough for you to realize that you could always do better.

You will not be sure if the man in the bed will be “better,” but you will find yourself willing to take the plunge and find out. That being said, you will reveal much more to him—insecurities, what you like in bed, scars on your body (and how they got there), flaws you’ve longed realized—and he will listen, even nod in understanding at some points.

After you are done, he will also remove his own clothes until he’s wearing nothing but his underwear, and he will also speak. He will also have scars—some you can see, and some you cannot—and likely some sad stories to tell regarding his own ex. But through his own reveal, you will learn just how much he has grown from such experiences, and how he has become the man you will want to be with.

In the end, you and he will look at each other—both respective puzzles in a way, neither truly fractured, but perhaps a little worn—and reach out to piece it all together, or at least start to.

And, perhaps, it might be a little beautiful.