I lie awake at night wondering if I will ever feel, again. The sounds of nothing clutter my ears while I think of ways to cope. To cope with what you might ask? To cope with this insufferable draining thing we call life. It's just another night where I can't fall asleep even after I take about 6 of the pills in that bottle they give me when I see him. I used to be around other people like me but I wasn't as sick as they were to stay as long as they did. Something keeps walking in and I see black, I wish I knew what it was.
The wind outside is calming and the moon looks wonderful, glowing in the sky without a care in the world. I had no time to think of what I did to that kid today in the hallway on my way to Biology, he kept throwing and pushing me against the lockers.I didn't want to hurt him, or anybody for that matter, but all him and his friend do is throw my backpack in the outside dumpster. The last thing I remember was he pushed me against a locker and the next thing I knew he had two pens in his arms and was bleeding from his head. I was not a terrible person. I promise I just couldn't take it anymore. The black is coming again where am I going?
I wasn't in school for a while and met some new friends who had the same issues I did. Well not the exact same, one man had a lot of friends but he could only talk to them, and someone else was worried that multiple people were after him and someone else had told him to be worried. They were all nice and I like talking to them, that is until one of them went away to the soft room. Trust me when I say that you don't want to go to the soft room. Oh I can still hear the metal BANG of the door when they put someone in there. I liked the little cups of candy they gave us everyday, the man who could only talk to his friends got extra everyday,lucky. I stayed up and saw a white dot before I saw blackness this time, could that be related to something.
BANG. The sound of that door makes me shiver and flinch whenever I simply hear someone slam a door. I wonder what other people do to cope with living this dreadful hellscape. The sinking feeling of having to wake up everyday, and trek through what felt like black tar was just a mind numbing experience. I needed to feel something, I needed to feel something because being numb and just existing were not an option I couldn't take. I saw four white dots and then blackness again, I will figure out what that is.
Everything became soft at one point. Like I was always surrounded by cotton candy and I couldn't move my hands. Maybe this is what I needed to cope with life. Just wonderful softness and this new coat. Though this new coat was a little tight and it was kind of tough to move my arms, it was still a new nice jacket so I can't be completely mad.
Before I knew it, I heard a BANG and I snapped back to fluffy walls and a straight jacket. Screaming and begging them to let me out. Then everything goes black again.......maybe this IS my true and only way of coping with life.
