It is another Friday night and I am sitting in my room, carefully observing myself in the mirror. Do I look flawless? I have to. Everyone is expecting it. I'm not even sure if I want to go to a party again. It is getting boring, every weekend it's the same: Partying somewhere, getting drunk to numb the pain and waking up the next day without any memories. It has been a long time since I felt really good at a party. I applied another layer of lipgloss and took one last look in the mirror to check if my scars were visible. No, everything looked perfect!
I quietly opened my window and climbed down the rain gutter, past the blood stain on the house wall from the first time I sneaked out. I amateurishly scraped down the wall and and hurt my knee but my parents never noticed the red stain on our yellow house wall... Now it's easy for me to sneak out. Once I reached the ground, I got into my car and started driving.
After driving a couple of minutes I started feeling pressure on my lungs and my hands started shaking. Not again. Please not now, not while driving. I tried to breath normally and tried to control myself but it did not work. I hated this feeling, it was like I was about to suffocate. My lungs would not let any air inside even though it was all I wanted them to do. I stoped driving, tore my car door open and fell on the ground. I reached for my throat, desperate for air. Breath Martha, breath! I tried to remember. Remember how to breath. I thought of him, Blue. It had to work, it always helps me. I thought about all the great times we had together and our cuddles before the "accident". I loved him with all my heart and he was the only one that has given me the feeling of being loved but Jack took all this away from me. My heart started beating normally again and I finally felt fresh air in my lungs. I greedily inhaled it and just sat at the side of the road, my legs bent and my head buried in my arms. Everything was quiet on this little country road and I just sat there for a while. Waiting to feel at least okay again.
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Hi, this is the first time I tried to write something... I hope you like it. I'm not sure if and when I'll continue writing because of exam stress :(
Anyways, enjoy it <3
- S
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