Angst Oneshots

Alone

tw / cw: self harm, suicide,
messily written + non edited because these are vents. (i'm fine don't worry)
-
Trinity wiped her tear stained cheeks, trying her best to look presentable. she'd been crying in the bathroom all of lunch, but now the bell had rang. she felt like she lost everything. her long time girlfriend, Akira had messily broken it off with her. most of her friends followed Akira's word, not even bothering to talk to Trin. she only had one person left.. Travis Katsani. the boy who was waiting outside of the girls bathroom for her. he texted a quick 'kitten you alright in there?' he was honestly just asking if she was alive..
Trinity walked out, still looking like an absolute mess. "h-hi.." she whispered, looking down in shame. she felt like nothing but a burden.
"kitten- no.. hey, let's try and get you out of here okay?" Travis asked, pulling his best friend in for a hug. "i don't need you any more hurt than you already are." he often called her kitten as it was comforting.
"i-i'm fine.. really-" she tried, hugging the boy back. "i just-" she sighed, melting into his grasp. "i love you.." she said quietly, feeling the tears come back.
"i love you too, now i'm taking you home." he knew he'd get detention for skipping, but didn't care. he needed Trinity to be okay.
-
Once they got to Travis's house, Trinity walked into the boys room and laid down. "im sorry.." she said, feeling like she'd messed everything up by just being there.
Travis followed her, laying next to her in bed. "no.. don't be. i want the best for you Trinity-" he pulled the girl into his chest, gently rubbing her back. "i'm here now. we're alone."
"a-alone.." Trinity repeated, relaxing into him. she hated that word. it was the only thing she ever felt. she knew she had Travis, but didn't want to always bother him with her issues. she constantly felt trapped, alone within her own mind.
Travis tilted his head, seeing that the girls shirt had lifted a little. he felt his heart break, seeing thin fresh scabs on the girls skin. "t-Trinity..." he said softly, giving her a kiss on the head. "you know how much i love you.. right? i'll never leave you.."
Trin nodded, wiping her teary eyes on the boys shirt. "i-i know.."
Travis gently moved his hand down to the scabs, lightly rubbing over them. "you've been- you hurt yourself again..." he said, squeezing the girl gently. he just wanted to protect her. he needed her to be okay..
Trinity immediately started to cry. "i-i'm sorry! i tried-tried not to- i tried for you i really did- i-i di-didnt want to.." she wiped her tears onto his shirt, taking in the boys familiar scent.
Travis let her cry, desperately wanting to pull her out of this. he hated what her thoughts made her do. "kitten, it's-it's okay. /we/ can get through this. you're not alone.. is- is that all..?" he asked, hoping she hadn't done anything too badly.
Trinity hesitated for a moment before she slipped off her shirt. she looked away, knowing what she'd done wasnt good.
Travis saw that she was wearing the binder he'd gotten her a few years prior. he gently brushed his finger over the words ' i'm proud of you Trinity ' he'd written this in sharpie on the side. "kitten..." he frowned, seeing how deep some of the injuries were. "i love you. please call me when you're feeling like this- i don't care what time it is. you shouldn't have to be alone.. i don't want you to be alone. i'd stay with you every night if i could.." he wiped his eyes, looking away from the girls injured body.
Trinity nodded, falling silent. she just didn't want to bother him.. she felt so bad for pushing all of her problems onto him. she felt like she had to deal with it herself and that she didn't deserve happiness. she whispered a soft "i love you.."
Travis pulled her close again, scooting under the covers. "you're safe with me.. if you want to nap then you can. i'll be here the entire time."
"thank you.." the girl whispered, falling asleep in his arms.
-
Trinity was alone. alone with nothing but her thoughts and the train tracks. as she walked, she picked all of the wild roses. roses were her favorite flower.. Travis had gotten her roses for almost everything. that's where her love for them began. she cried silently, not knowing what to do with herself anymore. she thought about Travis and how badly she just wanted to kiss him. she felt like her feelings didn't matter .. nothing mattered. she took a few selfies incase Travis found them. he'd want to have hugged her. the girl sighed and pulled out the note she'd written, spilling out her feelings for the older boy. she looked at all of the tear stains and smudged words. "i love you.." she said, putting the note into her palm. she called Travis, crying softly. "g-goodbye my love.. it's red roses today.." she wiped her eyes and whispered a soft "i love you Travis.. i'm sorry" before hanging up. as if it was all planned, she saw the train approaching. with a sigh, she placed down the note, her phone, and all but one rose. she looked at the sky and saw a rainbow. it had been a dark, rainy day, but now the sun was shining. she hesitated, feeling like this was a sign to stay. her hesitation had caused her to miss the train completely. it was already past her, rolling into the distance. "fuck.." she said, sitting next to her things in the ground. Trinity picked up her phone, seeing 4 missed calls from Travis and 20 texts. she shakily called him back. "h-hey...."
"TRINITY! YOURE OKAY- WHERE ARE YOU?!" he yelled, his voice broken and raw. it was obvious he'd been crying. "i-i was worried sick.."
Trin could only manage one word "t-train.."
-
Travis drive down to the train tracks and walked until he found her. he stayed on a call with the girl to make sure nothing else happened to her. "kitten-!" he called, running to her. he kneeled down in the muddy grass, pulling Trinity close. eventually he got her up and safely back to his place. "here.. change out of those muddy clothes.." he said, handing her some boxers and one of his hoodies.
Trin nodded, not having enough energy to go to the bathroom. she just changed in front of him, yelping when she accidentally pressed on her fresh injuries. they were still bleeding.
Travis frowned, looking over the girls soft, broken skin. "come.." he said, leading her to the bathroom once she was dressed. he gently lifted her onto the counter and grabbed some peroxide. "this is going to hurt a little kitten. i love you" the boy sighed and gently cleaned her cuts.
Trin cried softly as he cleaned them. she felt terrible about everything- even about still being alive. "i-im sorry.. i-i shouldnt-" she was cut off when Travis hugged her.
"hey.. let's just go back to my room and cuddle okay? im here now" he bandaged her up and carried her back to his room. "can i.. see it- the- the note.." he bit his lip as he laid next to her.
Trinity shrugged and handed it to him. she had nothing to lose- "i-its not what you think.." she whispered, curling into the boy.
took the note and read it.
' Travis,, im so sorry. I couldnt handle it. I couldnt handle any of it. My feelings, they're too much. I cant stand the thought of hurting you, but i also can't stand the thought of loving you. Travis i feel like i need you. my body constantly aches to be in your arms. all i want to do is kiss you. but i can't. it'd only hurt you more. i dream about being yours and having you as my protector. i just wish i could've called you my boyfriend. your dumb face and stupid voice got to me. i can't go a day without looking at you or hearing you ramble about anything.you already do so much for me.. i want to stay but it's not enough. i'm not satisfied. i will never be satisfied. and so i'll write my way out.. overwhelm you with honesty. i love you. i love you more than anything. if loving you is wrong then i never want to be right. i might not be there to say it anymore, but i mean it. i just wish i could stay long enough to hear your response.  my phone is yours. check the camera roll, everything you'll ever need is there. god i'm going to miss you. you're the only reason i stayed in this hell ridden place. you're the one reason why i wanted to stay.. but i can't anymore. my times up. it's only getting worse. everything's getting worse. i cry everytime i hear her name, i panic when i think of him, i don't want to bother you. my parents..  i just can't anymore. if you're the one who finds me.. i'm so so sorry.. ~K ♡ '
Travis took a minute to let that sink in. he kissed Trinity's cheek and gave a very soft smile "i do love you kitten.. why else do you think i'd do everything i do for you. why do you think i need you to be safe. we don't have to get into anything until you feel comfortable. i'm here kitten, and i love you."
Trin teared up as she leaned up to kiss him. it felt amazing.. amazing to be alive in his arms. she just nodded at the rest of his statements, slowly sliding her phone to him.
the boy took her phone and looked through the camera roll. it was all soft selfies of her with her stuffies and a few videos of her saying things to him. his favorite one was of her laugh.. seeing her smile made his heart happy.
Trinity sighed, nuzzling the boy. "no.. i gotta let you go. you'll be better off in someone new.. i don't wanna be alone. you know it hurts for me too-"
Travis shook his head "kitten i'm here. i'm yours..
i want you more than i thought i did. i love you, please.. don't push me away. i /want/ to be here for you.."
Trin nodded, feeling calmer now.

-
About one month later,,
Trinity couldn't do it anymore. she was only happy when she was with Travis, but even then she just felt scared of hurting him. she sat down at her desk and wrote 3 notes. one for her family, one for Travis, and one for Akira. her family's note was short and sweet, explaining things less in depth. Akira's note was filled with hatred and love, only saying how much she longed for the girl. Travis's note.. it was more like an essay than anything. it was long, detailed, and filled with much more emotion than any other. all 3 notes were stained with the girls tears. she sealed them into individual envelopes and took out her switchblade. "i'm sorry." she said to no one as she sliced deep into her right thigh. she let out a whine, continuing to injure herself. after a few more deep cuts she shakily pulled out her phone and texted Travis 'i love you.. never forget that.'
Travis was immediately worried 'kitten? what's wrong, i love you'
Trinity read the message and only cried harder. it hurt to leave him, but staying hurt more. she knew how selfish it was, but she called him- needing to hear his voice before she left.
Travis answered in a panic "Trinity! talk to me please..- i-i'm coming over!" he said, already walking out the door. Trinity only lived a few doors down from him, it was only a 2 minute walk.
the girl sighed shakily "no- i-.. Travis i cant.. i can't do this-" she muted herself and grabbed her knife again. she slit both of her wrists and shakily unmuted, only able to form broken sobs.
Travis walked in a second too late. his heart shattered when he saw what she'd done. "kitten-!" he rushed over and sat next to the girl on her bed. he pulled her into his arms, crying. "k-kitten why- i love-love you- s-so much.."
Trinity weakly hugged him back, giving him a few squeezes. "i-i know.." she whispered, leaning up to kiss him on the lips. "i-i lo-love you forever.." she smiled through her pain, feeling free.
Travis didn't care that he was soaked in his best friends blood, he just wanted her to be happy and alive. he shakily pet her hair, trying to be as comforting as possible in the girls final moments. there was so much he wished he could say and do, but all he could manage was one last "i love you so much kitten...."
Trin nodded, her vision going blurred. she softly managed to say "i- i love,,,, you too,,, Travis" and suddenly her world faded to black.
Travis could feel her breathing and heartbeat, he didn't want to believe it. he didn't want to believe what she'd done. he felt everything slow, eventually coming to a stop. once the girl took her final breath he cried harder. he pulled her body close and hugged her as hard as he could. he took in her comforting scent, looking up to see the notes. he kissed the girls cheek and took his. he read it, his heart breaking every sentence. he could tell that she did care about him. she'd left a list of things he could keep to help him through this, and a lot more things on her phone for him. she wanted him to get over this fast and easily, she didn't want him to feel as she did. all she wanted was for Travis to be happy without her. the boy stayed for a few more minutes, honestly just wanting the girl to pop up and say it was all a prank. deep down, he knew it wasn't. "until-until we meet again ki-kitten..." he whispered, leaving his hoodie behind for the last time. she would've loved it..

- Twenty years later -

Travis slowly drove down the barren road of his childhood town. he looked at the houses as he drove by, seeing his childhood home. he lay expressionless as he passed his old best friend's home too. the boy slowly pulled into the graveyard. he put his car is park and took the flowers from his cup holder. he'd gone to pick them before he came to the graveyard. "Trinity.." he said quietly, feeling his heart shatter as he closed his car door. he let the muscle memory lead him to his best friends grave. the boy finally broke down, dropping to his knees in front of it. he placed the flowers- roses- on the ground in the shape of a heart. he remembered that day; finding his best friend with her wrists slit and the watching her die in his arms. "I-I  needed you." he whispered. "we could've gotten married- Trinity why.." he gently caressed her gravestone, reading over the date. "I love you.. I haven't stopped loving you. I never will. You're my everything, why did you have to go?" he sobbed there for hours, spilling his heart out to the girls grave. "I miss you so fucking much.." he took out the note she'd written for him and gently rubbed his finger over her neat writing. "ki-kitten.. I-I'm sorry I wasn't enough. I couldn't save you... I-" his voice broke as he continued speaking. every word felt like one slash to his heart. he looked up at the sky when he felt a drop of rain hit the back of his neck. a rainbow slowly formed, much like the one Trinity saw on her first attempt..