misunderstood

new standards/ meeting sam

when the car halts, i look up at the words emblazoned on the sign. COBRA KAI DOJO i picture a cobra in my mind, strong, resilient, fierce. I've had a couple kickboxing lessons but could I really match up to that standard?

Of course I can. I'm Tory Nichols and that sort of attitude is how i survive.

i push the door open, full of a mixture of hope and fear, what if's fill my head like seretonin. there are 12 students from what i can see, i keep myself shadowed in the corner. I guess I'm expecting a big reveal? My eyes meet the back of the gi's I've always wanted one, they're so smart, a sign of survival a sign of strength.

'Who has the balls to take on the champ?' Their sensei says, he seems like he doesn't have much faith in any of them. The room falls silent, everyone exchanging glances.

'I'll take him on!' The words leave my mouth so fast I take a moment to register that I've spoken. Everyone turns to look at me, and their sensei walks over to me. I smile, a proper smile, this could be my chance to be seen, to not fade into the background. Today I'll show that I am not second choice.

"Sounds like a challenge" he looks at me with confidence, and nervousness. I like a challenge. Everyone does really, they're just scared to admit it.

"Mr Diaz!"

I look round for the boy who's just been called, he's right in my eye line. Thick hair, tall, dark and beautiful. I take a moment, pray he has beautiful brown eyes and a smile that makes me romantic movie flutter.

He does. He looks at me and says are you sure you want to do this, I have to keep these feelings out of my head I'm sure he's taken anyway. That sentence rings in my ears, am I sure? Why? Because I'm a girl?

I charge forward and kick him in the chest a bit too hard, he stumbles back in shock, and then to my own shock he gives me a smile, and in that moment. I am seen. I am here, present.

We fight, of course we do. It's initiation. And he's good! They call him the champ, I can see why, he has good moves, but it's me who topples him over, he asks my name and I tell him, he offers me a hand and I take it, gratefully, but he has his guard down, and so I take advantage, this is a test after all. It's me who has the upper hand, and I place my own hand on the side of his face, partly to keep him down and to feel how soft his skin is, his arm is in my hands, his muscles slipping through my grip, it sends shivers through me, as I look at the others.

I let him go, he smiles, a big smile that's somehow enlarged since before. Ear to ear, dimples.

A FEW HOURS LATER

I'm at the beach with my new friend. Yes you heard that right, her name is Aisha, she's so kind, we met a few hours ago, I knew I recognised her, she looked at me when I told Sensei Lawrence i liked a challenge, we glanced at each other, barley enough to notice facial features. And now, we smile, arms around each other, it's nice to have a friend.

I'm determined to impress her, so I run off, and go to the bar, it feels like hundreds of people are here. I wait until everyone's not looking, and my fingers find their way towards the bottle of vodka on the counter, within seconds I'm running like I'm being chased. And I'm laughing.

When I get back to Aisha I see that she's with someone, that's hardly a problem, of course. Aisha stops the conversation, clocks sight of me and waves me over. Her smile seems to set everything at ease, she's the friend you'd believe if they said they were okay, the smile throws you off really.

She sees the vodka and I tell her the truth. Her friend, pipes up. 'You shouldn't steal anything, I actually laugh. Let me guess she's a good girl?

She seems angered by my laugh but keeps it cool, I ask who she is, out of sheer coincidence, and Aisha says it's Sam, I feel angry. This is the girl Aisha said upset her. So I just say it, oh she's THE Sam. She seems even more annoyed. Why is she so pressed?

The truth is, the staff here are lousy, security were misplaced. I could swipe half of the silverware here and nobody would bat an eyelid. And I tell her that. Because it's true, when you've spent your whole life stealing, of course you know the tricks.

'You going to drink or not?' I ask Aisha, looking at her expectantly, I'm not going to force her. But it would be nice..

'Alright one drink!' She laughs, and reaches for me, I wrap my arm around her shoulders. 'That's my girl' I find myself squealing, because if I'm honest..I haven't felt this happy in a long time. I haven't had a friend like this since Becca...the less said the better.

We've had such a great day, we're definitely drunk, but I don't care, because the feel of her arm around my shoulders is a friendly touch that I didn't ever think I'd receive again. It's like a comfort, she's told me a lot about Sam, about her, I did too, I told her about Becca. About dad. I revealed more about that guy in the mall, and what happened after. And I spoke about my mom..

'My mums missing her wallet!!' We hear behind us so we turn around still laughing from Aisha's revenge story. It's that girl, Sam, from earlier.

'Sucks for her?' I don't think before I speak in normal times but when I'm drunk it's different. Aisha tries not to laugh behind me, what does she want us to do?

'Happen to know anything about that.' Her words slice through the atmosphere, we stop laughing and I feel completely sober. I turn to Aisha, praying she will back me up and not drop me in it like Becca did. She knows I didn't do it.

'Are you freaking kidding me' I say to her, my anger rising. I had a bad feeling about her from the start.

'Sam. She didn't steal your moms wallet!!' Aisha steps up her tone, a small and grateful smile protrudes and then is sucked straight back in because she reminds me about the vodka and the silverware comment.

'Listen I didn't rob your mom bitch!!' I edge myself closer to her. My anger rises like steam, she looks at me, all moody, pouty, I'll be surprised if she's ever suffered in her life.

I tug aishas sleeve gently and ask her if we can leave, she agrees, looking at sam with as much anger as me.

And then I'm yanked back. It's only a few centimetres. But my mind is yanked forcefully back to that day in the mall. The hand on my own possessions, only this time it's lighter than my own body. It's just my bag. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I turn my body like a propellor and shove her with all the force in my body, she goes flying back into the table of desserts. I take one glance at Aisha and then I storm off.

And then the tears leave me, when I'm alone and safe, of sorts. Aisha runs after me, she stops when she sees me, I'm a mess. And I try to wipe away the tears furiously.

'It's alright' she says, reaching out her arms, I walk into them and she gives me a hug, not a tight hug, a soft, ball of comfort.