"Why am I not allowed to let go?!"

1

I hope you enjoy reading this chapter!

Japanese 

Inner Demons

Thoughts

Talking aloud (without realizing it)

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Eijun's POV

I walked around the dorm buildings, not aiming to go anyway. You should kill yourself. Maybe-Wait! No! If I kill myself, I won't become the ace!

 I started running. I ran to the field, trying to escape my thoughts. I ran around the field many times, my thoughts escaped my mind, completely. 

I don't know what time it is but I stopped running when I saw bright light. I stopped and looked at the sky. It's already dawn. I ran most of the night. 

I sighed in relief, glad I got to escape my mind and thoughts. I went to my dorm and got my gear. I ran back to the field and started pitching into a fence.

The third-years have already retired. I have to work more. I have to become the ace. You, the ace? Don't make me laugh. I put my hands over my ears, trying to shut out the voice.

No, leave me alone! I heard from behind me, "Sawamura?" Shit, it's Miyuki. I turned around and smiled. I said "Morning, captain."

Miyuki said "Are you okay, Sawamura?" I said "Yeah, I'm fine." Miyuki said "Okay...Just make sure you don't overwork yourself." I said "I know."

But overworking myself is the only way to keep the voice away. Miyuki questioned "Voice? What voice?" I quickly lied "It doesn't matter!"

Miyuki said "Okay..." He's not convinced. I said "Don't worry Captain, I'm fine." Miyuki eyed me, trying to look for the lie. But he didn't find it. 

He said "Okay. Just remember that you can talk to me. I may be a jerk most of the time but I'm your captain and catcher. I do care about you. I care about everyone on the team and I want to make sure everyone is okay."

I said "Okay." Miyuki walked away and when he was out of my sight, I sighed in relief. Soon, practice started and I saw most of the team staring at me.

None of them were laughing at my bad technique. They were just...staring. Miyuki said "Sawamura! Want me to catch your pitch?" 

I said "No thanks. I didn't get a lot of rest last night, so can I go to my dorm and rest." The whole team seemed shocked, including Rei, Boss, and the coach advisor. 

Miyuki said "Yeah. Get some sleep." I walked to my room and went to the bathroom. 

- TW -

I grabbed my razor and slid it across my left leg, many times. The thoughts got better as I continued to cut my leg. 

In the end, I cut my leg 15 times, not too deep. Before leaving the bathroom, I bandaged my leg and got into sweats.

- TW OVER -

I walked out of the bathroom and laid down. I drifted off to sleep, hoping for no nightmares, no dreams at all, actually.

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I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! Also, sorry for the short first chapter!

Have a nice day!

Bye!

- P.K.F