Shooting Stars - Soukoku

Shooting Stars

His whole life, Chuuya had never thought that a wish he made 4 years ago would come true. He had never once thought that his partner, the one he hated so damn much yet cared for just as much would leave. He never thought that this would be the death of him.

"I wish you would just disappear!"

Dazai smiled weakly, he knew Chuuya hated him and he did too, but he would never want to wish death upon him. Dazai would go to any lengths just to make him happy and that also meant disappearing. This wasn't the usual yelling though. Ususally Dazai would brush off Chuuya's harsh comments and make a joke out of the situation. But today they had messed up and Chuuya had almost gotten killed because of him.

"You're a waste of bandages! Why won't your suicide attempts ever work?" Chuuya yelled, he was unconscious of what he was spitting at Dazai. He didn't know how much of a toll these words would have on the brunet.

Dazai nodded his head slowly as he turned to walk away. Those words stung even though he knew everyone hated him. He knew that no one wanted him here.

'why did my suicide attempts never work?'

He had thought that Chuuya was different but turns out he was the same as everyone else. Memories of his friends yelling at him to die in a ditch came flooding back. Back then he was so helpless, so vulnerable.

'Ew, look it's the bandaged freak,'

'I wish he would just go die, no one would care anyways.'

'Not like anyone would notice if your just disappeard.'

'No one wants to work with him, he's weird.'

'Your a piece of shit, you should just go and kill yourself.'

It all hurt.

Before Chuuya could understand what he had said, Dazai was already gone. Chuuya grunted as he started running back to the apartment he and Dazai shared. His heart beating faster as he neared the door. He burst inside only to find Dazai knelt down on the ground.

Warm tears ran down his face as he registered what Dazai was doing. Blood splattered the ground and a kitchen knife was tossed to the side. Dazai's breathing had gotten heavier and he was also crying. His bandages were stained red and his stomach was bleeding. "Idiot...what the fuck did you...do," Chuuya said through tears, he knelt down beside Dazai and inspected his stomach. Dazai started laughing at his concern. Chuuya had just wished death upon him and when he had tried Chuuya was concerned. "I'm coming Oda, soon" Dazai smiled as tears streamed down. He had finally been able to do it. He could feel his consciousness leaving him.

"STOP YOUR NOT DYING TODAY" Chuuya yelled as he rushed to get some bandages and antiseptic. As much as he hated Dazai, he couldn't bring himself to let him die in his arms. "No," Dazai grabbed onto Chuuya's wrist and looked at him.

He didn't want to be a burden anymore.

He didn't want to hurt anyone.

He didn't want Chuuya to hate him.

"This is all my fault...I am so sorry Dazai." Chuuya started but Dazai put his finger to Chuuya's lip. "Shhhh...it's not your fault...I did this to myself...I don't want...to...be...a b-burden...anym-" Dazai suddenly went limp and his eyes closed. The rays of early morning reflected off the windows causing Dazai's tear-stained face to glitter.

"no...n-no...no...w-wake up...Dazai..n-n-no." Chuuya let go of Dazai's hand. He felt like a dove had come and taken his soul from him. He felt empty. It was like a dove had left his body. Leaving a void in his heart. Dazai couldn't be dead. No, it wasn't supposed to end like this. They were supposed to go on hating each other for another day.

Chuuya curled up into a ball next to Dazai's limp body. His breathing slowed as warm tears flowed down like rivers. His eyes closed and he fell asleep in his own misery. "I hate you for leaving me."

It had been 4 years. He couldn't believe it. March 17. The day Dazai had succeeded. Chuuya still blamed himself for his death. If only he hadn't yelled at Dazai about disappearing. He had realized that day that Dazai trusted him, that he thought of him as different, and that Dazai thought of himself as a burden. Dazai had left such a huge impact on his life that anything he did Chuuya couldn't help but act like Dazai was there with him.

'Oh, this was Dazai's favorite song,'

'Hey! who ate my leftovers? Was it you Dazai?'

'Remember that time when you got stuck in the bathroom and I had to get you out, I sware you are such an idiot Dazai,'

Kouyou and other fellow members had grown concerned for Chuuya ever since he started talking to himself and stating that 'Dazai is right here.' He never did want to let go. Reality was slowly slipping from his fingers. Soon he couldn't even distinguish what was real and what wasn't. He started seeing hallucinations of Dazai and his former friends. Once he could've sworn he saw Dazai smiling at him when he got promoted.

But one night, 5 years later, Chuuya was tasked to save Yokohama from destruction. Using corruption was the only way he could, and him devoting himself to the safety of this city, he didn't hesitate. He knew he wouldn't wake up this time. Dazai wouldn't be there to save him. He was all alone, right at death's door. There was no hope. So as Chuuya lay there on the ground, his consciousness slipping, he closed his eyes. Slowly feeling his soul perish.

"Goodnight Chuuya, I'll see you soon."

"Da....zai?"