1-800-SUICIDE [bxb]

VI

[apr. 3]

oakley showed up to the bridge covered in bruises and band-aids, immediately making darrell hurry to him in concern.

"shit.. they got you good. who bandaged you up?"

"school nurse."
oakley's voice was soft and shakey. darrell gently pulled him so that they were sat down together, oakley's head instinctively resting on his shoulder.

"..let's make the pact now."

"what?"

"you heard me. let's just get it over with, please."

"...no."

oakley pulled away, staring up at him incredulously.
"what do you mean no?"

"i'm not ready yet, i don't know you eno-"

"cut the crap, darrell!" his voice raised and suddenly he was glaring at the boy, hands gripping the fabric of his pants.
"we both have nothing, why the fuck should we keep on hesitating?"

darrell said nothing. he always hated confrontation.

"they used a knife today." oakley whispered, tears pricking his eyes. "i don't know why they hate me so much or how they even got a knife into the school, but they cut me. i got away before they could do anything worse but it hurts so much."

"oakley.."

"shut up! if you're going to pussy out of this like a coward, i'll do it alone."

oakley stood up and heaved himself over the railing so that he was standing on the outside, overlooking the water. he glanced back at darrell over his shoulder before pushing himself off.

slowly.

slowly.

stopped.

"darrell. why are you holding onto me?"

darrell had lurched forward, arms wrapping tighly around oakley over the railing so that he wouldn't fall. darrell was breathing heavily, not quite sure why he was stopping oakley now.
the two stood in silence for a moment before oakley started to shudder. then he started to cry.

he sobbed softly, hanging over the edge of the bridge with only darrell's arms stopping him from plummeting. darrell gently pulled him in closer, lifting him up so that he was safely on the other side of the railing. oakley turned and hugged him tightly, burying his face into his chest to muffle his broken sobs.

darrell rested his head on top of oakley's head, tears silently running down his own face. why was he crying? oakley was the one hurt, not him. he tightened his grip around the boy as if he thought oakley would slip out any chance he got.

"please.."

darrell murmured after oakley's sobs had died down to quiet sniffles against his chest.

"don't kill yourself. not yet."

there was more silence after that, the two boys just standing in eachother's embrace as the crescent moon glimmered off the water surface below them.

"i'm sorry for calling you a coward."

"it's okay, i know you were just upset."

"it's not okay. you mean a lot to me.. and you're always so nice to me. i'll wait for you, when you're ready."

darrell hesitated. honestly, coming to the bridge that first night was completely impulsive for him. did he even really want to kill himself yet?

"what if i won't be ready.. for a while?"

oakley raised his head, finally staring him in the eyes. his face was red from crying, but there was a half smile on his face.
"i'll wait."

darrell gave a small smile back before leaning down and leaving a small, hesitant kiss on oakley's forehead. the other paused, before his smile grew and he let out a very soft laugh.

"that's gay."

darrell raised his brows, a small grin appearing on his face.
"oh is it now?"

"very gay. where's my 'no homo'?"

"you're not getting one. that was all the homo."

"homo."

sometimes in your darkest moments all you needed was a little laugh. both boys obviously had unresolved issues, but what else could they do, other than shove it under the rug to deal with another time?