After the Sun is the Moon

Chapter #4

        When we got to her house it was just like it always is. Feels clean but is still have stuff scattered everywhere. She is all the time go go go so I guess she doesn't really have time to pick up. It doesn't bother me.
        She told me I can have ether one of her spare bedrooms. She said the one across from hers is bigger so I chose it. It was empty besides some random stuff that could be put in storage. The other room did too so she just put all of it in the other room. Rosie and Mitsy were barking their heads off and Sugar was barking with them like she wasn't my dog. I don't know why they were mad at me.

        The rest of the night went by kinda like I thought it would. Carry turned on the TV but nether of us watched it. She updated me on her life some more and called my grandma and I didn't hear a lot of what she said but Carry said

"Hey, whatcha doin?"

"Well, shit."

"Oh my God!"

"Well, we'll miss you I guess."

"Kay, call me back sometime."

"Alright, bye."

I could tell by the sound of it, Grandma probably won't be here for Christmas.
Aunt Carry sighed, "Well, she ain't gonna come, but she told me to tell you she loves you."
"Okay."

Sense it was Christmas Eve Eve, we decided to watch some Hallmark Christmas movies and ended up just talking during them. I hadn't really laughed sense my parents died only a few days ago. They are having a funeral together and it is being held in out home town church back in Texas this weekend and we are going to have to fly all the way back. Grandma decided that the funeral should be held after Christmas so that is quote, " Doesn't ruin the Christmas spirit." Which I can see where she is coming from. But part of me just wants to get it over with. Grandma is being very strong about the whole thing out of what I have heard from her, considering her first born daughter just died. Grandma and Aunt Carry's strength about something so unexpected makes me feel like I can't cry or feel sad. I guess it just hasn't hit them yet, but it hasn't really hit me yet ether.
That night Aunt Carry never really told me when to go to bed or when I should shower, she just kinda did her own thing and expected me to follow suit.
 

I took a shower and washed my hair because I hadn't washed it in a while. I looked at myself in the mirror, my hair wet and now darker brown instead of it's usual ash brown or bash color. My skin was almost pale now. I usually use fake tan in the winter when my summer tan starts to fade. I have dark circles worse than usual under my round light green eyes that usually look happy, but now just look sad. I used to never be sad. I have always been the happiest girl in my friend group, the optimistic one that would always cheer everyone else up. Now who is here to cheer me up? I told all of my friends to just give me space. Me being the popular girl I was, everyone new when my parents died. Everyone cared. Am I even going to be popular at this new school? Not that I care, it will just be different not having someone to always hang out with.
My two best friends Gabby and Lisa called me the day after my parents died. It was nice to know they were there but I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Maybe I'll call them tonight or tomorrow.
A part of me wants to start over and forget everything and everyone from my old life and start completely over. Fresh and new. This is the good thing about this. A chance to start over in life. Until I get an unexpected text from Dakota, my ex boyfriend from last year. Senior and star running back for the football team. But he was so cocky and arrogant. Not to mention we had nothing in common. When we would hang out all he wanted to talk about was sports or fishing or bull riding.Uh. But the second I say something about ballet, I'm "boring."

Dakota: hi...... I heard abt ur mom and dad. I'm sorry for ur loss.
Dakota: can I come to the funeral or is that weird? I mean everyone is gonna be there.

Is he serious? He is so rude and self centered. I mean of course he is coming to the funeral. Like he said, everyone will be there. It's a small town.

Me: yeah, u can come, it won't be weird.

He texted me back but I didn't even look. I put my phone on silent and finished getting ready for bed.

Trying to fall asleep that night was hard. I kept thinking about how different my life is now, and it started today. This new life is going to be fun, I can tell. Wild, but fun. It would be more fun if my parents weren't dead. Why did they even have to exist? Why couldn't they have died when I was a baby? This is all too much. And I love my Aunt and all, but why wasn't there someone back at home willing to adopt me? Sure, no blood family, but we had friends. Family friends. Once Lisa said that she would make her mom adopt me one day, just so we could live together, but now, looks like she was joking. We were only eleven when she said that.

Sugar just up in bed with me. Animals are supposed to be a good form of therapy. Speaking of, I have therapy now, starting Monday. I don't want to go. It's too much. It will just make it worse. I am doing a great job of keeping myself together and I have always had good mental health, so after a few times maybe they will listen to me and get the hint that I don't need therapy.