my over active imagination

H

I'm terrified to let you in. What if you see me as disgusting or damaged. I want someone who loves me like I'm brand new. Who accepts my faults and past and doesn't judge me. I want you to hold me close, hug me, kiss my fears away. When the tears start to fall, pull me close, kiss my forehead, and wipe them away. Tell me I'm beautiful in the morning with my swollen lips and eyes. Take my fears away. I just want you to care. I want you to take control.
I keep picturing us sitting on my bed, and I show you the pictures in my series. I explain everything that happened. My hands start to shake from the emotion, and you pull me into your arms. You tell me it's okay and I'm so fucking brave and strong. You never knew what could've happened and how someone could hurt me so.
It's this moment you get angry. You wish you knew where he was so you could give him a piece of your mind. But instead you look at me trembling in your arms. You smooth my hair, and we lay down.
As I cry into your chest, you stroke my arms and promise no one will ever hurt me again. You promise everything will be alright. You ask me what else I've been through and I tell you about mama bj and granny. Eventually I fall asleep but you never let go. You hold on tight without an ounce of selfishness to it.
In that moment, you realize how much you care. You look down at my sleeping features trying to memorize every line and curve. After a little bit I sit up realizing I fell asleep. You look at me, and I look at you. At first I'm embarrassed, but you pull me back down to your waiting lips. It's a soft kiss filled with question.
A simple kiss and then you pull me back into your arms. I have never felt so safe and at home before. As you lazily start to stroke my arm, we start to talk and I ask my favorite question. "If you could go back in time and change anything, what would you do?" I still don't know you that well yet, but I can't wait to hear your answer.
"Yours is connor right?" You ask. I shake my head and tell you, "No, if I hadn't experienced what happened I wouldn't be who I am today. Since then I've been able to be there for friends in similar situations and help them get out or deal with their trauma. Yeah it sucked, but at least I can help people."  It's quiet for a moment, and you let out a breath of air. In that moment I knew, we would be okay and you didn't care. It was the start of something new.

A/N:
So if anyone finds this who I didn't send it to, I'm Kate. Do you ever have a moment when your feelings feel so strong, it hurts? This is what the book is. It won't be written well, but it hurts to keep it inside so I put it here. So don't expect proper grammar or wording. Okay thanks