linstead | the heart's desire

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭'𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞

Erin stood on the bridge; watching the Chicago lights, light up the night sky. She was rubbing Hank's dog tag, the one that had his trigger finger on it. She was supposed to be at Molly's, either celebrating getting her job back or drinking the pain of losing her job away. But Erin wasn't doing either of those.

Jay was so hoping Erin would turn up at Molly's, the ring was burning a hole in his pocket. He decided to step outside and call Erin, she was supposed to be at the bar twenty minutes ago. Burgess had arrived, but no Erin anywhere. Jay pulled his phone out and clicked on Erin's contact.

Erin's phone buzzed, she awakened from the daze she was in. Jay Halstead and a picture of the two of them from a date was on the phone's bright screen. 'That was an incredible night.' Erin thought, when memories of the date flooded her messy mind. She hesitated on pressing the answer button, did she want to go through the pain of leaving him? Did she want to feel vulnerable and unwanted? No Erin didn't want to go through any of that.

"Erin." Jay's voice rang out from the speaker. Erin had pressed the green button. "Hey." Erin's raspy voice sounded unfamiliar to herself. "So uh are you coming down to Molly's?" Jay asked, he so desperately just wanted to marry the girl of his dreams. "Um no I was going to go home actually." Erin said, she could feel her heart crumbling into a million pieces. "If that's what you want to do but the whole team's waiting for you." Jay said. "I might come after I've been home. Look. I just need to clear my head. I've had a hard day." Erin justified her reason for going home. "Okay we're here for you." Jay comforted her. "Thank you." Erin hung up.

Erin really wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want to go to New York but she couldn't exactly stay in Chicago. Instead of driving home, Erin decided to walk. 'Maybe walking will help clear my head.' She thought.

Rain started to pour over Erin; her hair was becoming soaked. But it didn't matter, her face was already wet with tears. Erin didn't even know where she was going. Her feet took her. Somehow she ended up outside Molly's. Her forest green eyes were now filling up with tears once again. Everyone in the little corner street bar were so happy and there was Erin on the outside, depressed and lonely.

At that moment, Jay just so happened to have looked out the window. For a split second, he thought he was dreaming. He excused himself from the table for the second time tonight. Jay didn't care it was raining he really wanted to talk to the love of his life.

"You came!" Jay shouted. "Not exactly." Erin sniffed through her tears. "Huh?" Jay was confused. "My feet took me here. But I really have to get going." Erin started to walk past Jay towards her apartment block. "What's so urgent, that you can't talk to me?" Jay said chasing after Erin. "I'm leaving for New York." Erin's eyes now filled with more heartbreak. "What?" "I'm going and I'm sorry." Erin sobbed. She ran away once more.

"Erin hear me out." Jay shouted after her. "Erin!" Erin stopped and turned around. "You can't leave not now. There's still so much we have to do together. I can't work without you having my back. I love you with everything I have. I've made mistakes and messed up pretty bad but now we can be together. Always and forever." Jay poured his heart out. "You don't understand Jay!" Erin was distraught. "So tell me. Tell me why you have to go or why you don't love me back." "I do love you. This is why I wasn't going to say bye." Erin was so upset. "What?! You weren't going to say bye. Why? Am I not important enough? Do I actually mean anything to you at all? All the times we spent together, did they mean anything?" Jay just couldn't fathom whether he was upset or confused. But he was mainly troubled by Erin's actions. "They did mean something to me. They meant more than life itself. I just knew that if I had to say goodbye forever, then I wouldn't be able to leave. And I have to go; I have no choice." Erin sobbed.

"But you don't, we can be together. I'll leave the unit and move to a different district." Jay would do anything to have Erin in his life forever. "No you're not doing that. The Ivory Tower won't give me my job back. I'm done in Chicago, there's nothing for me anymore." Erin said. "Nothing! Right so there's my explanation!" Jay was frustrated again. "That's not what I meant. I'm sorry." Erin apologised quickly realising she'd made a mistake. Both stood in silence, the rain still pouring miserably around them.