Criminal Minds OneShots

Breakdown

JJ fell onto the couch in her home. It was 1:20 am, and she knew that Will and the kids wouldn't wake up from their slumber.

This last case was challenging, to say the least. A guy had been murdering children. Normally, this would hit to close to home for JJ. But that wasn't what was running through her head right now.

JJ was thinking about one Emily Prentiss. The same Emily Prentiss who had left the BAU after coming back from being "dead". The Emily Prentiss who was currently in London, working for Interpol. The Emily Prentiss who had plagued JJ's thoughts for what felt like forever.

Before Emily, JJ would have looked at this life she had, and been ecstatic. It was everything she had ever wanted. A good job, an amazing work family, a nice husband and two beautiful kids.

Before Emily.

It wasn't fair to Will, she told herself. It wasn't fair to Henry and Micheal, she told herself. She loved her kids more than anything in the world, that was a given. But Will? Different story. It really wasn't anything personal with Will- he was a good man. A good husband, a good father.

He wasn't Emily.

JJ couldn't pinpoint when she started liking girls.

Maybe it was in second grade, when she first looked at a girl in her class and had the same feeling she did when she looked at her crush.

Maybe it was in eighth grade, when she looked at her best friend and wondered what if would be like to kiss her.

Maybe it was in college, when she went to that party and really did kiss her best friend.

Maybe it was there all along, and she just hadn't noticed or pushed it down.

Or maybe it was when she looked at Emily Prentiss and got butterflies in her stomach like she had never felt before. Maybe before Emily, it had all just been speculation and experimentation.

All JJ knew was that she was now in love with Emily Prentiss.

She couldn't pinpoint when it started.

Maybe it was when Hotch told her that Emily was alive and ok after Emily had been held hostage in that cult and JJ felt like the world had started spinning again.

Maybe it was when Emily took down an unsub by herself for the first time, and she came back and gave JJ the biggest hug.

Maybe it was when Emily announced she was going to leave and go back to Interpol and London, and JJ broke inside.

Or maybe it had been there all along. Maybe it had started that very first day, when she saw Emily walk into Hotch's office and threw her a smile, and Emily smiled back.

JJ only realized she was in love when Emily was really gone.

The first time, when Emily was undercover, JJ had almost figured it out.

JJ had thought that the level of pain she was experiencing was unlike anything she had felt. Definitely worse than when Elle and Gideon left- but that was different, she told herself. When they left, she still knew they were out there somewhere. Alive and not undercover. Living a normal life. Maybe this feeling of never knowing whether or not Emily was ok was even worse than what she had felt when her sister died. And then, Hotch would tell her Emily was ok, and JJ could breathe again.

It had been two months since Emily started working at Interpol.

She was gone.

JJ knew Emily wasn't actually gone, but she may as well have been. She was a country away, and she would probably never come back to the BAU.