what do I do?(a one direction fanfic)

Chapter One- My Life So Far

Hello, I don't know how to start this, I've had a rocky road in my life for what seems like forever, I'm 20 years old. My name is Charlotte and my daughter is Ashlee. She's five years old, and means the world to me, but I don't know if I can cope anymore. Don't get me wrong I love her with all my heart and I want what's best for her, and I think having one parent your whole life is not the way to go. Yes I was 15 when I had her, young I know, but I had my reasons, even if I didn't want her at the time. I guess you could say I'm not ready to tell that story yet.. You'll have to find out on the way. My parents, you see that's a whole other story, I live in London all by myself, I used to live with my foster parents when I was younger, I soon found out in time they was actually my aunt and uncle, I love them the world. They're like a mother and father to me. I've never actually spent time I can remember with my real parents, I sometimes question myself if they're dead or alive, where they are, what they're doing and even sometimes I question whether if I have a brother or sister. I do wish that one day I'll meet them, I also question if they had a good reason to let me go, leaving me on my aunt and uncles door step. I just wish I knew the truth, but it looks like I'm going to have to find them to get the answers I want. Even though I have thoughts about putting Ashlee up for adoption, I always stop myself because I don't want her getting hurt like I am when she grows older, it might be the best option for now, to have someone better to take care of her, but I will never want to lose her. She does brighten up my day, even when I can never sleep,or take care of her properly, she's a funny one she is. I just don't know if I can cope. I haven't seen Ashlee's father for years, he wasn't even there when Ashlee was being born, he's in jail, and is staying there for a long time, in which I'm grateful of, he deserves it. I've never had a proper relationship well a relationship that a girl would want anyway. I just always seem to pick the bad ones, and I hope the next one isn't.
If I'm honest, I don't know if I'm looking for a relationship at the moment, of course it would be lovely to have someone by your side helping you through life, but I have major trust issues, and I don't think I can go back to being 'in love'. Men are monsters anyway. That's it I'm convincing myself to never get back in a relationship. I won't be able to cope, it's not like men are different, they're all the same.... Horrible, scary, intimidating men, who don't even love you. I'm isolated and I will be for the rest of my life. Just Ashlee and I. You don't even want to know what I've been through, you wouldn't believe me. I have never told a sole though, apart from Ashlee she's witnessed some tragic moments. She doesn't deserve this lifestyle.