My mind is a prison

Chapter 1. You're a hero Jennifer Jareau

As bad as it may sound but I actually was very used to getting hurt in the field.

But it was mostly plows to my head causing a concussion or shots that went straight to my Kevlar. Sure they left bruises but this hurt like hell. It was a burning sensation.

"Jen..."
I reach up touching her face.

"I forgot how much getting shot actually hurts oof. Hurts...h-hurts like a bitch"
I could see the concern and worry in her eyes. I don't want her to worry about me.

I try to stay strong for the blonde as I nod as she asks me if I can walk
"I-I think so"

"Son of a ..." I groan out as another wave of pain hits me. Even getting stabbed didn't hurt this much.

But I knew one thing that hurt more. The worry in JJs eyes.
I was just glad that it wasn't her in this situation but I knew it hurt her seeing me like this.
My white shirt was colored crimson red by now.
"J-Jennifer"
Hearing her soft voice was what kept me going at the moment. It has something calming to. It always had been calming.
Whether it was over a phone call when I was in London or on our girls nights.

I feel myself get weaker by the second but I knew I had to make it. For JJ. She tried to hold me up.

We stumbled outside together. My whole weight almost leaning on her.

I was glad Jennifer was by my side. Even in the worst situations she made me feel better. But I also knew how fragile she could be.

She is a smart woman and I really hope she doesn't let this affect her too much but I know that's easy to say.

I really tried to stay strong, if not for myself then for her. But I have lost so much blood. Was it possible to feel hot and cold at the same time?
"JJ?" Was the last thing I manage to get out before the paramedics took over.

Once I was placed inside an ambulance everything darkens around me. I'm engulfed by pure darkness.
This feeling was familiar. I thought I would never have to deal with this ever again.
I have to fight. I can't lose. I have to be strong.
The team...Jennifer.. I couldn't put them all through this. Not again.

I was pulled out of the darkness quicker than I thought and I was happy about it I was okay! I made it!

Sure it still hurt but I was alive. I'm living and what's better is that I will get to see JJ. Oh she must have been really scared.

I was staring ahead of me lost in my thoughts and still exhausted when I heard her soft voice.
It immediately planted a smile on my face hearing her. That soft voice could make everyone feel better instantly.

My head turned towards her "hey". There she was asking me how I was feeling. "Ah you know like I just have been shot" i said wanting to joke as i immediately regretted it. God Prentiss you're so stupid.

I can somehow sense that this is hurting her more than the others. Or maybe I'd like to think this way.
I was glad she was the first face I saw.

"You're a hero Jennifer Jareau you know that? You saved my life" I managed to get out.
"God I must look horrible " I say to lighten the mood a little. I knew how she would get.
she may look like this fragile petit blonde but we all know just how strong and amazing she really was. I blushed as she said that i was looking as beautiful as ever which. Me, Emily Prentiss , blushing?

"Thank you Jennifer" I usually called her JJ just like everyone else on the team but this moment somehow seemed a little more intimate.

I was here because of her. She was the reason why I stayed alive and why i am alive.
When I first came here my life had been a mess and I won't lie about that now. It was dark and dreary. I still remember when I first saw JJ. I was in Hotch's office trying to explain why I was there and then she walked in. Those blue eyes immediately caught my attention.
I'll never forget how she had poked her head inside to inform Aaron that they had a new case.
Yeah Jennifer Jareau was someone special.

I can see the worry in her eyes as I offer my hand to her, the one that wasn't all wired up.
"I'm okay. I'm alive. Thanks to you"

When she takes my hand in hers after I had reached out, I knew this was real. I just needed a little confirmation.

My heart was beating fast inside of my chest at her touch. But I tried to keep it together.

I gently shook my head "Jennifer we both know you're strong. You are what holds this team together you know? " then she said something that broke my heart. She told me hat she would not know what she would do without me.

I took a deep breath. "You would manage to go on without me. But I'm here. I'm here and I'm never gonna leave okay?" I assured her softly stroking the back of her hand with my thumb.
"I wouldn't be here without you..."

Whenever I'm around her I can't seem to think straight. It's her presence, her scent and her beauty that are intoxicating.

Back then when i stayed in Paris the only thing that kept me going was the thought of the blonde and our fair share of online scrabble. But i also couldn't wait for the day I'd be back.
But I had been scared too.
It was for my safety and the safety of the team, of Jennifer. Not a day had passed by where i didn't think about her. But that was in the past now. I was here and so was she.

I really don't know what I would do without her or where I would be.

I gently reach up and place my hand on her cheek slowly stroking it. It felt soft and warm.

"Jennifer you will never get rid of me" I try to lighten the mood a little as I smile at her.
"I am here because of you." And I didn't only mean right at this moment. I meant all these years we have been working together. She was the one I trusted the most.
She really was my guardian angel.

Once again I find myself get lost in her blue eyes before I spoke softly "you're not getting rid of me that easily".

I was so glad she was here. That she was alone here in my hospital room.

"You're not just only a hero JJ...you're my hero" and I meant it. My hand was still slowly caressing her face.

There were so many things I wanted to say. So many things I want to tell her.
All I wanted was to wrap her in my arms and not let go. To tell her everything is okay. Over and over again.
Whispering sweet nothings in her ear to make her feel better because I knew that this was effecting her.

I feel myself tear up. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."