Tik tok boy imagines (DISCONTINUED !)

Fake smiles

It's like the more I try the less I feel

The other week I found out that my parents died in a car crash. Me being the only child not knowing how to cope with it I sit in the house all the time thinking 'I caused this' 'why did they go' 'it should've been me, not them'

The desperate need to something real

I miss them, I really do. Mike, Vallyk, Derek, Kobe, Tony and Corey have been blowing up my phone non stop

Why lately I ain't been feeling the same? Why is it so hard to hid this pain, I search but can't ever find, can't seem to leave my past behind. Cause all the ones I hope will stay. Are all the ones that fade away

I forgot to say I started smoking again, it takes the pain away. Makes me feel happy ya' know? Cant blame me though, I've never decided to talk to anyone about it because last time I did (with past friends) they told me I was overreacting and I was crying to much and being extra. I didn't know how but I was, and since they said that I decided not to bother anyone with my problems anymore.

Truth is I think about you often m. I miss your voice, I miss your smile that I used to get lost in. I know, you know I have this thing for you. I never lost it, I think I just lost myself in the midst of the non-sense 9 times out of 10, I'd close my eyes and dram about you

I love Mike and all of them to death. I just decided to distance myself from everyone. I hate bothering people with my mindset, the only people I had to talk to about my personal issues were my mom, dad, and Mike. They know everything about everything. That's part of the reason I miss them.

Don't  know what is was but you just had this thing about you. Lately we've been distant see I just can't be without you. And my soul got so attached to yours, I can't be me without you but we hate ourselves because we run form the people we love. And we all hold on to the past cause we miss what is was. Don't wanna feel so we try to numbin the pain with these drugs. Living in hell, cause we lost faith in the place above.

I want somebody that feels the pain I feel. I hate having this feeling that I'm alone. Ain't nobody going to get me, no matter how much they say they do. My mental health is so fucked so right now, I can't even think straight. I've been smoking non-stop, waking up everyday just thinking about weed. The most thing I'll do is shower, change my clothes and smoke. I don't have any type of ambition to do anything anymore.

And my anxiety is breaking me, it kills me I'm living in a world so fake I lost touch of the real me. Had to take a look back to just ask me if I'm still me. And will I still stand for this if they wanted to kill me.

My thoughts got interrupted, by a heavy pound on the door. I got up, to see who it was. It was Mike. When he saw me he hugged me immediately, I was a little high but I was still aware of my surroundings.
M- WHY HAVEN'T YOU ANSWERED ANY OF MY CALLS? ARE YOU OKA- Why does it smell like a bunch of weed in here?
T- I've been smoking a lil bit for a second I forgot who I was talking too, so when I said that Mike look angry yet so sad. I could just tell by his eyes.
M- I thought you promised me you would stop smoking. Why are you smoking again?
I didn't say anything, I just walked to my room and started rolling up a blunt. Not giving a fuck if Mike was here or not. I heard footsteps follow me into my room. I looked over at Mike and he looked disappointed. He walked over to me and snatched to blunt out of my hand.
M- What's been going on with you Trinity? You've been moving different lately. You don't smoke anymore, it's been a good 18 months without you smoking. What's wrong
I looked up at Mike and yelled
T- 'I can't take it no more, I just can't take is no more. I can't smile like I'm okay, I just can't act like I've been happy and complacent no more. Cause every time I try to change it is the same as before. My karma's coming, my karma's coming it weighting in. I'm smoking (I changed it, I know) til my feelings just fade away again. And my mama, she always told me "this ain't the way to live". But when you feel what I'm feeling that just the way it is' i said while trying to hold in my tears. Mike didn't do anything except for embrace me with a hug. I needed this
M- Why didn't you tell me, I would've helped you through all of this Trinity. We promised each other that we'd be there for each other not matter what's going on.
T- I-I didn't w-w-ant to bother y'all

I'm trying to not break down, but I just can't hide this pain. Saw myself in the mirror I'm just not the same. But who's to blame? I guess we all change. We hurt the ones we have because of our pain. Fuck

After I told Mike my parents died, he stayed with me for the rest of the week, not leaving my side.

FF 1 year
It's been a year since my parents died. I've stopped smoking and my mental health is up again. I really thank god that I have Mike in my life.

A/n: I told y'all I was going to do some sad imagines. Which I did, do did you like it? Should I continue the sad stories or start other ones?

1035 fake smiles 🙂