ᴅᴇʟɪᴠᴇʀʏ ʙᴏʏ | ᴇʀᴇɴ ᴊᴀᴇɢᴇʀ

one

hey hey. so idk where the story's gonna go exactly, i'm kinda winging it right now lmao. i'm still unsure of this and testing the waters. anyhoo, just wanted to make a few points before you read. *ahem*

· i do not own attack on titan and the lovely characters that come along with it, nor do i own you.

· lowercase is intentional

· eren x fem!reader

· lots of swearing

· hanji, levi, and erwin will be aged down some. they'll only be two or three years older than you guys

aaaand i think that's it! now, onward!

—————

the soft breath of spring tickled your face through the open window of your apartment. you sat in your kitchen on a quiet sunday evening, nothing but the sound of the ticking clock and the chirping of birds being your only company. well, that was until there was rhythmic knocking on your door and muffled 'aye's from behind it. with a soft sigh, you get up from your chair, wincing at the loud scraping sound it made, and danced to the front of your apartment.

you're met with a twerking connie as he knocks on air, not realizing that you had opened the door. sasha started cackling and you hoped that your neighbors didn't think you were murdering someone.

"connie, what the fuck—" you laughed as he stopped immediately, stiff as a board. you drag your two friends inside and shut the door behind you. "what brings you two here? not that i mind or anything."

"we were bored," sasha said, making a beeline toward your kitchen. "trying to prank call me wasn't enough?" you playfully glare at connie, who just shrugs and plops onto your sofa.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" sasha's voice booms from your kitchen.

"what the hell is what—oh," you enter your kitchen, seeing the open and barely stocked fridge. "well, whose fault is that?" you raise a brow at your friend, who crosses her arms.

"i proudly state that it was caillou's fault this time—"

"bITCH YOU HELPED ME! AND STOP CALLING ME THAT!" connie shouts from the living room.

"NO, I ONLY ATE THE POOR CRUMBS YOU LEFT BEHIND!"

"SO YOU ADMIT IT!"

"guys, shut uHP before the old lady living across from me calls the police! we can just order a pizza, sound good?" sasha nods excitedly, her brown eyes glistening. "can we order three?!"

"the hell kinda money do you think i have?!"

"connie will help—"

"THE HELL KINDA MONEY DO YOU THINK I HAVE?!" he shouted, repeating after you.

"CONNIE SHUT THE FUCK UP OR THE OLD LADY WILL CALL THE POLICE!" sasha yelled.

"WHAAA? THE CRANKY OLD LADY THAT CLEARLY NEEDS TO GET LAID?!"

your eyes widened at their loudness and you zoom into the living room to smack connie upside his head. "OW! (name), whY?!" he whined, rubbing the spot you smacked him in.

"the hell do you think these walls are made out of?"

"yeah, connie, you should know how thin these walls are," sasha walked out with a tub of half-eaten ice cream. you didn't mind since the flavor wasn't even your favorite. "wha—you were yelling, too!"

"no, i wasn't."

"yes, you were!"

"no, i wasn't, you were just hearing things."

"YES, YOU WERE!"

"GUYS!" you yelled. then, there was a loud banging on the door and more yelling.

"SO HELP ME, IF YOU KIDS DON'T SHUT YOUR BIG-ASS MOUTHS, I WILL SHUT THEM FOR YOU!"

you, sasha, and connie traded looks of fear. "sorry, ms. palmer!"

you could hear her shuffling away, mumbling something along the lines of "damn kids" and "fuck young people".

"she needs to get laid. got that green-molded, unused puthy energy," connie said. you cracked up, shaking your head while somewhat agreeing.