seen you tonight. it's been years, but even through all this time and through my late night of crying and praying for you just to see me.
It never happened never came. I was just another girl another face nothing more nothing less.
You never seen what you did to me nor did you ever care. Breaking my heart the pain I felt just about killed me.
And and you think after 7 years seeing you would be easy. O god how wrong was I everything came back to me as if it never left the pain, love and so much more.
But I put a smile on my face shake your hand and say hey. Even though on the inside I'm screaming out for help.
Screaming for you to see me to really see me to hear me crying out for you for you to say the words that my heart was dying to hear.
" I loved you then I love you now" that I know you won't. You gave your love to another who gave you everything I wanted to give you.
So I let your hand go still smiling even though what was left of my heart just shattered. you will never know the pain nor will you ever see the tears you will see this fake smile.
As I say " Im so happy for you and I love your work. but I must go goodbye.'
As I turn around the tears start to fall as i sit here home alone looking at your picture. I realize can't do this anymore I can't keep lying to myself I can't keep hoping for something that i know will never come.
So as I'm writing this and letting whoever cares enough to read I'm sorry and goodbye.
As the last of my tears run down my face I push the knife through my heart and for the first time in 14 years I smile for real thankful there's no more pain no more crying no more anything.
I'm free from this hell and on to my next. I'm sorry I was never what you wanted or needed I pray she loves you with everything inside of her I pray she makes you smile I pray she gives you everything I wanted to give you and so much more pray you never feel this pain.
I'm so sorry I was never good enough goodbye
