Somebody to Like

35 - On My Own

**Amelie**

As if Noel's truth bombs regarding my relationship with Gray hadn't been enough, he'd unleashed a professional bombshell on me as we'd moved on to our second cups of tea. It was exciting. Terrifying. Overwhelming. It was the kind of opportunity I'd only ever dreamed about and I wasn't yet sure how I felt about it.

On the one hand I was thrilled and on the other it seemed to amplify and confirm every secret concern I'd had regarding a relationship with Gray. I still had trouble imagining how I could make things work with him, but I'd at least realised it wasn't something I had to figure out on my own. Gray and I needed to talk about how things between us could fit with both our lives not to mention both our careers.

Noel and I met Lucy and Bas in the stylish bar just off the hotel lobby for coffee, I'd consumed so many hot beverages I was beginning to feel like I sloshed whenever I moved. They'd greeted him with the hugs and back slaps due to a conquering hero and me with wary looks of mingled concern and sympathy. Guilt sloshed around along with the tea and coffee in my belly. I'd behaved like a bitch to their friend and dumped him without warning.

I was not a good person.

A moment of panic threatened to overwhelm me when, instead of joining us for the ride out to the festival site, Noel decided to head up to the room he'd booked to grab a couple of hours sleep. Oh god, I was going to be alone in a car with Lucy and Bas and no doubt they'd want an explanation for my behaviour. It wasn't going to sound any more rational when I explained it to them than it had when I'd told Noel.

To my surprise I had nothing to worry about. Lucy and Bas studiously avoided all mention of Gray instead they enthusiastically congratulated me on the opportunity Noel had told me about me before turning the conversation around to the festival and the type of images and content I wanted to capture for the band's social media. It made their avoidance of any mention of Gray particularly heroic considering the way he'd somehow managed to become wound up in every part of my life. Things were beyond awkward.

Jumping out of the car at the festival site I fled muttering random words that might have been interpreted to mean that I was off to take photos. Obviously I wasn't. I needed to find Gray and talk to him before I lost my mind. Finding him in among the crowd of thousands was not going to be an easy task, particularly as I assumed he was out enjoying the music, not spending his time backstage in the artist area or hanging around the buses. Still without any clear idea of where to start looking for him I first did a quick circuit of the buses without any sign of him. The smell of food drifted my way, knowing how much he loved festival food I ducked into the main festival area to check he wasn't queuing for some kind of greasy snack before I made my way to the backstage bar tent. I was hoping to see someone I knew who might be able to point me in his general direction.

I'd just flashed my pass at the burly security guard manning the backstage entrance and stepped inside the chain-link fence separating the performers and their entourages from the general festival goers when Kim sidled up beside me. Propped on her mother's hip Rhiannon gurgled a greeting at me.

"What's happening?" Kim asked innocently enough but I couldn't help but feel there was some purpose to her question.

"Oh you know, just seeing what's happening that's interesting," I replied. Internally I was screaming 'tell me where Gray is' but I thought better of just blurting it out as my first topic of conversation with her. I hadn't forgotten the disappointed look she'd given me last night through the doorway to my bedroom.

I lifted my camera to show her the pictures I'd just taken.

"Oh my god! That's brilliant!" she laughed at the photo of a shirtless Ace lounging in a folding lawn chair on top of the bus with a pair of neon green sunglasses perched on the end of his nose. The fans were going to love it. Almost as much as they'd love the photo of Josh clad in nothing but a pair of swim trunks and a smile splashing about in a blow up paddling pool as he clutched a fruity cocktail. Where he'd found the cocktail glass I didn't even want to know. There certainly hadn't been any on the bus. Neither of them knew where Gray was. I chose to believe that was the truth.