(You're my) Numbing Cream - the menendez brothers

PARTY

The song that I have linked above (loophole - heroe) as well as another song (paper planes- MIA) is to be played at a certain time throughout this chapter. I will let you know when to play it :)
Eriks perspective:

I drove up on the road lyle had addressed to me, spotting the 100s of cars parked all around the neighbourhood, indicating to me that i'd arrived.

When Lyle said the party was going to be big, I didn't think THIS big.

i panic, regretting everything i was about to do already.

it was dark, but lights spilt out of the house and spread over the sky. i drive slowly through the road, taking in the atmosphere. 

i wasn't ready, no amount of breathing or reassurance could take away the pure panic that was coursing through me.

each one of my muscles cramped spontaneously, sending a shiver down my spine and an ache in my head.

people danced across the street, stumbling over their own feet. few people seemed sober, and those who were stood out from the crowd.

from outside, you'd think the party would be full of energy and fun. but i know what i was about to get into, and a pain shot through my body.

this party wasn't like any party i'd ever seen, it seemed so much more intense.

even driving through the thick crowd of people made my heart skip a beat, knowing i'd fit right in soon enough. and it scared me.

music was blaring, and it could be heard from miles away. my ears where already ringing, bringing fractions of memories back from when i used to party, happy and freely without feeling the need to drown in alcohol and self pity.

i find a vacant spot after searching the street for 10 minutes and park the car.

lyle had told me to drive to the party, and said that his security guards would come down and drive me and my car back to the house at 2.

since the murders, the rest of the family has been worried for our safety, and had given lyle security 24/7. lyle seems to often take advantage of that, though.

i take a deep breath, bathing in the only fresh air untainted by alcohol, before opening the car door.

as soon as the door opens, a wave of excitement hits me. the familiar feeling of fear cradles me, and squeezes the rest of the air out from my lungs. every breath i try to take burns, and everything appears to be slowed.
the music instantly becomes ten times louder, and the lights blind me from every corner of my eye.

i promised lyle that i'd do this. i promise myself that i'd live, live a little better. but im only living for him.

panic is what causes me to be like i am. i love how i live because of panic. it causes me to stop breathing, and it takes away my vision. it strips me from basic functions, and it hurts. like thorns from roses, it ruins the good things around me and causes me to avoid everything i once loved.

i drown in nostalgia of the times i used to enjoy this all. i cringe, reminiscing how i used to talk and act at these parties.

i force myself to start walking down the street, every couple of seconds dodging someone, already drunk, on their way to the party.
the smell of alcohol very quickly made its way through my nose and stung my throat as if i was the one drinking it.

although i had been to parties before, i'd always be "nervous" before going.

tonight was cold and dark, and the streets seemed very still. the faint mumbled songs and lights in the sky almost created a calm environment, but i was far from calm.