Bucket List

The longest shit of my life.

"I mean, don't you think that's a little harsh?"
My best friend, Carmen, sits across from me, pushing her food around with her fork.
"No," I scoff, "I don't see the point in trying to be nice to those people anymore, we're so close to graduating and then we'll never have to see them again." We had just ran into another group of girls in our grade, one of which spread a nasty rumor about me our freshman year that I'll never forget. Another was Carmen's ex boyfriends side chick sophomore year, although she seems to have moved past it for reasons I cannot understand.
"Well, you never have to see them again. Some of us are still going to college in this state." My other best friend, Daphne, points out. I shake my head and give her a pointed look.
"You can still act like you don't know them if you see them, what's it going to matter, I bet they'll do the same thing. Seriously though, the first half of this year has sucked, I feel like I'm halfway through the longest shit of my life." I push the rest of my food away as our waitress approaches our table with some boxes. The table next to us erupts in laughter, and I glance over to see a group of about six boys who look to be around our age, all squeezed into one booth. They're listening intently to the one sitting on the outside, half of his body practically in the walkway while the other half is balancing on the seat. He's talking with his hands and his eyes are wide open and bright, every pause he takes derives laughter from his friends. I have always loved seeing people laugh together.
"Okay ladies, let's get out of here," Daphne says. I pull my sweatshirt over my head and look around for my mask.
"Shit, where's my mask?"
I check my purse, my coat pockets, and Daphne and Carmen do the same. I stand up and check the booths and look under the table, but it's nowhere to be found.
"Is that it?"
I turn around, the boy who was telling the story was pointing on the ground behind me, he had been watching us look for the mask. Sure enough, my pretty blue mask with the daisies on it was on the floor of the restaurant, right next to an empty ranch container.
"Oh, yes! That's...kind of disgusting," I mumble, and we both go for the mask at the same time. He grabs it first and stands up, towering over me by what seems like a foot. He looks at me with pale blue eyes, and I hold his gaze for a second.
"You might want to put a mask on if you're going to stand in the middle of the aisle," I tell him. "Thank you, though," I take my mask out of his hands and quickly put it on, forgetting it had just marinated in the floor germs. Quickly, I turn and follow Daphne and Carmen out of the restaurant.
"Goddamn, he was fine as hell," Carmen says, fanning herself.
"Swear," Daphne agrees. "I'd take him to bed in a heartbeat.
"Better not let Tyler hear you say that," I laugh and poke her, referring to her boyfriend whom we all love. We get back into my car, and I start the engine. The boys eyes were still in the back of my mind but quickly disappeared when Carmen pulls a jar of weed out of her purse.
"Ugh, I knew you loved me," I smile at her. "We're not rolling anything in my car, though, I'll take us to a spot."
"Come on bitch, it's freezing outside," she argues, starting to screw the lid off the jar.
"Girl bye," I snatch the jar out of her hand and toss it in the cup holder in my door. I pull out of the restaurant parking lot and drive in the direction of a secluded park we like to smoke at. My phone buzzes, once, twice, and then three times. The name Jacob lights up on my lock screen.
"Is he still trying to get you to go out with him again?" Daphne leans forward from the middle seat and angles her head to read the texts. "Hey what's up? Are you with your friends? Are you busy tomorrow?" She reads allowed, I roll my eyes and make a gagging sound.
"He won't let it go since our date last week."
"Well, what was so wrong with him?" Carmen asks, fixing her hair in the mirror.
"Nothing, I was just bored and agreed to a date. There's no sense in getting involved with anything now. We only have four months left," I say.
"Remy, you need to live in the moment a little more." Daphne is talking almost directly into my year. "What if you die before we graduate? I think you'll regret thinking so much about next year rather than just living in the rest of our senior year."
"I don't think I'll regret anything, I'll be dead."
Carmen giggles as I pull into the parking lot of the park, another car is parked a couple spots away from us. The car rocks ever so slightly and the windows are completely fogged up.
"Sheesh," Daphne says, "Get it on."
"I bet Remy wishes that were here and that boy from the restaurant right now," Carmen jokes as we're getting out of the car and I punch her arm.
"Oh for sure," Daphne laughs. "The sexual tension in there was extreme."
I roll my eyes and start walking over to the swings, the picture of his eyes was once again vivid in my mind, but I shook it out as Carmen started rolling a joint. Truthfully, I do feel lonely sometimes. High school as seemed like such a waste, both Carmen and Daphne are hellbent on marrying their boyfriends that they've both been with since freshman year. I can't see the appeal in that, the sole reason I broke up with my only long term boyfriend was because I needed to find myself. Now that I have, I wonder what's next for me. I've grown up in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania my whole life, I've been with the same people for most of it. I know who I like and who I don't, what I love and what I hate. Still, I know that there is something missing, and my only solution is to struggle through the rest of high school and then everything will magically get better, it has to. Daphne and Carmen are still so stuck on the ideal senior year, when I've already let it go. I truly believe that there is nothing here for me.