Dark Chocolate

It's been so long since I last stepped foot of our hometown. I can't deny that I missed it, but I'd rather not see it again than to break my heart into even tinier pieces.

But here I am, in the place where I learned to love and to hate love. Maybe because I was confident enough to think that all these years of hiding from you was enough to prove that I have finally recovered from the wounds and bruises, that's why I decided to come back. Or maybe because I was willing to hurt myself again.

I climbed up the roof and let the cold afternoon air envelope me. This was the place where I always imagined us together. I looked down at the road and noticed an old bicycle chained to a post. The same bicycle I used the day I first met you.

I was just learning to ride the bike then. My dad got rid of the trainer wheels and my brother was fortunately patient enough to teach me how to ride it. It took me from hours to days to successfully ride my bike without tipping over. When I finally did, I got so excited that I drove the whole town without even stopping to catch my breath. I didn't even notice how exhausted I was. Until I lost control of myself and my grip was loose enough that any moment I might fall off and break a bone or two. But that moment never came, for before I could even embrace the ground with open arms, I felt another set of arms take hold of me.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked at my savior. That was the moment when I first caught glimpse of your eyes. Those eyes that became my addiction; the sweetness that I always seek.

My phone started ringing. When I took it out of my jean pocket, an old movie
ticket fell out along with it. I stared at it, totally forgetting that I actually have a phone call to answer.

That day. I remember it clearly. I was alone at the movie house waiting on line to buy a ticket. I've been wanting to watch that movie for days. Once I was already comfortably seated in the movie house, I looked to my left just to see you sitting right beside me popping a candy into your mouth. I must have been staring at you for quite a while, for you suddenly turned your head to my direction and smiled.

You remembered me. You wouldn't have smiled like that if you didn't. But you did. And I must've looked stupid in front of you with my eyes wide open and my face a bright shade of red. I only snapped back to reality when a loud, booming sound from one of the trailers being played before the movie was heard.

From that day on, you became the object of my daydreams and the Prince Charming I always wished was mine. I also found out that you were actually on the same school as me, since we were kindergarten. But all those years I never noticed you, not until you saved me from that bicycle incident. It wasn't hard to learn to love a guy like you, but it's hard to forget the feelings I have for you.

Like the first day we met, I lost control of myself and my grip in reality was loose enough that I fell. But this time it's different. You weren't there to catch me.

It was the 14th of February. I made a box of chocolates just for you with a seven-page letter. If you're thinking that I was going to confess to you, then you're right. That time, we were already good friends. You were everything I ever wanted a guy to be, and I assumed your sweetness as your way of hinting your feelings towards me. So, I decided to make the first move.

I arrived to a stage set in front of our classroom with you serenading the crowd. You were smiling the whole time and I assumed it was me you were singing to. I was about to step forward, to greet you with open arms, when you suddenly went downstage towards the crowd. I thought you were coming for me. But, I was stupid enough to think that way. You just passed by me and stopped in front of the only girl you don't talk to in class. And guess what? If you thought I was hurt enough by what you did, my heart broke even more when you said the three words I always wanted to hear... to that girl.

I love you.

All my daydreams about me and you together became a shattered wish. I was mad. At you, for unconciously breaking my heart. And mostly at myself, for thinking that I actually had a chance when all this time all I ever am to you is a friend, and you're just a daydream I will never be able to put to life.

I threw the chocolates and the letter to the nearest trashcan and rushed to the bathroom. I was holding my tears the whole time. I never knew it would hurt this much. You were my first love, my first fall, and my first wound. It was exactly like the first time I met you; all I felt was bliss, that of a young child, nothing but just bliss. But then, I'd suddenly lose grip of myself and fall. But this time, you weren't there to catch me, and I was left on the floor with cuts caused by my own shattered heart.

I didn't realize I was already crying. This was the nth time that I cried because of you. I guess I'll never get tired of this. I admit it, I still love you. I guess it never changed, and I doubt it ever will.

I realized that my phone had been ringing for a while already. Just when I was about to answer it, it ended. I checked the caller id just to be surprised with what I saw. It was your name that was flashed on my screen. I just stared at my phone with shaking hands. Then, you called again. My hands were shaking too much that I accidentally pressed 'accept'.

I didn't have any choice but to press the phone to my ear. And when I heard your voice, everything came back to me, harder than any force in the world. I remembered why I loved you in the first place. It felt so fresh as if everything happened just yesterday. As I smiled at the sound of your voice, my heart ached at the memory of you with another girl. My love for you is like dark chocolate. It's bittersweet yet pure. But, right now, I'm convinced that I'd have to stop. I knew this was the time that I had to let this love melt away, like the way I just left the chocolates I made for you.