𝘼𝙏𝙀𝙇𝙄𝙀𝙍. | k.th ✓

22 | wrong memory

Present

Kim Taehyung is kneeling before me, rubbing his hands together with his head low. Meanwhile, tears continuously stained my cheeks. I clench my fists because of frustration.

I'm frustrated because of a wrong memory. Frustrated because all this time, I thought that my father was murdered. Frustrated because I was mad and angry to Kim Taehyung, whose young him only wanted to protect himself and my father from his father but instead, he pierced the bottle to the wrong person, who willingly protected him before he was hit by his father.

My father died a heroic death and I never came to realize and see that even though I was there in the scene.

But what frustrated me the most was my cowardly act. Instead of running towards my father, I ran away from the atelier, from the forest because I was afraid. Scared. A coward.

I badly wanted to punish my younger self for acting that way. If I had the option to not be born in this world, I would willingly choose that. I don't deserve to live.

People like me don't deserve to life a great and luxurious life.

"Please," Taehyung sobs out. "Please let me keep the portrait as my punishment. Every time I lie my eyes on it, the memories begin to haunt my mind and I deserve it, Haneul. I deserve it. It is true that I was the one who painted it. The first ever painting I have made without the help of your father. He only watched me and I was so happy when I saw the proud look in his face. Believe me, Haneul, the guilt has never left me. Everyday, my mind always comes back to that day. The day I committed an unforgivable sin."

I shake my head vigorously, taking Taehyung's hands in mine. "No, Taehyung. You're wrong. You wanted to protect my father. You did it, Taehyung. I'm in the wrong for judging you so easily. You did not kill my father, he chose to protect you. Stupid me failed to realize that sooner. I'm so sorry, Taehyung. You never deserved the way I treated you." I choke back a sob. "You have no reason to feel guilty any longer. It was me who committed a sin. I failed to protect my own father, failed to be there by his side until his last breath because I was a coward. And...I still am until today."

"You are already forgiven, Taehyung. Long before I even realized it." I stand up from the couch, my hands leaving Taehyung's as I begin to walk towards the front door.

Footsteps follow behind me and I gasp when the man whirls me around and engulfs me in a cold hug. "Everything you just said, was wrong. You aren't a coward, Haneul. You're more than what you think you are. You're the strongest woman I've ever met but too bad that I don't deserve you because of my deed. But the fact that you said that my intention was only to protect, it meant to much to me, Haneul. So, you aren't a coward even if you keep on saying that you are one. You are not a coward."

My body stills and stiffens at his words. No, he is wrong about everything he had just said.

"No," I state firmly. "Everything I showed you...the tough appearance and feisty attitude, it was all a facade, Taehyung. A facade to protect myself because I fear losing someone I love. Hoseok..." I pause, closing my eyes shut. "I have him and I will be forever grateful for him always being there for me even though I did nothing but to neglect him."

I fight back the remaining tears that are threatening to fall. Pulling away from Taehyung's embrace, I meet his eyes. "My father was a good man and if he was here, he would forgive you over and over again until you forgive yourself. Do not dwell on such unhealthy thoughts anymore. Now that I know the true story, I can finally live in peace...even just slightly.

"I want you to keep the portrait, Taehyung. Keep it because it's your masterpiece and not because it's your punishment."

Those are the last words I told him before I left him behind, not waiting for a response from him anymore because I'm positive that it will be harder for me to leave if I hear his vulnerable voice.

I was a coward. And I am still one.