Three or Seventeen? Actually Neither.

A brand new day

Sometimes you are thrown, in your face, with big questions. Not many questions are bigger than 'what is the meaning of life?' 

I am no writer or philosopher. Nor am I particularly good at writing or thinking. Nonetheless, I am going to try answer this question. Not because I have the key or the answer to the question, but because it is an important one. 

Important questions deserve asking and deserve every effort of searching for the answer.

When I was your age, I was never troubled by questions of this magnitude. Life was simple for me back then. More to the truth, there was no or little expectation of me, and in turn I had no or little expectation of life beyond the immediate. I did however have one dream. Well, dream is such a strong word for what I desired, but it would do. 

I wanted to go to the space. I wished, more than anything else, to be an astronaut.

Not much novelty here. Who wouldn't want to be an astronaut, at such a young age. It would be so "beautiful" - this is the only fitting word that may be translated from mother tongue - the English word "cool" was not even imported to our language in the context we are now so used to. Only later in life, I realised what I really desired was to leave the place that I was born. As simple as that. Lack of expectation led to lack of confidence. I wouldn't dare to consciously think that I wanted to leave this village behind, where outside toilets were swarmed by maggots, and go somewhere "big". However, I would be forgiven to think that one day I could land on the moon. That was just a childish talk. 

So, what's all this to do with the topic?

Well, to me, in order to understand the meaning of life, perhaps one should first try to answer 'what is life?' 

And to answer that, I thought, it would be useful to look back one's life.

I did leave my birthplace. So did almost everyone else I knew. I did my first degree in one of the most populous  cities on the planet, and for the first time our family of three finally actually lived under one roof. The latter, strange as it may sound, is not unique from where I was from. 

In a world that the speed of change is no slower than a rocket to the moon, I ended up a place 6000 miles away from my parents' home. 

This is certainly not fate. 

It is a mixture of chance, stubbornness, indecision, and both desire and fear for change.

This is not yet the time for me to explain to you every one of those. I would however say having you as my daughter feels like fate. I say this not just because I deeply adore you but also because I can so clearly see my imprint in you. The world is seemingly random, chaotic, or stochastic. The possibilities of traversing through a lifetime seems infinite. Yet, the route to happiness appears rather deterministic. I would lead a very different life had I stayed at my birthplace, and the life I am living, 6000 miles from my birthplace, couldn't be more different from what I could have imagined as a child. Yet, I can still see you in my life had I stayed and I can still see you asking the very same question on this birthday, 'what is the meaning of life?' And I would equally struggle as I am here with you right now. I will ponder in my mother tongue instead, but I will probably offer you the very same thoughts.

Today is what matters and tomorrow is a brand new day.

You can take life by the throat or you can let life take you. Different paths will unfold, but what really ever mattered are those singular, individual moments that are distilled and detached from space and time. It's the feeling in your heart. It's the warmth, ache, and all the rest. What and how are so much less relevant.

The little moments from every day to day - those matter, no matter how trivial. Don't worry, if you are having a hard time. Tomorrow is a brand new day, and that is all you need to care about, today and tomorrow. Those little moments will take you far and carry you when you need a little help. 

To me, they are the meaning of life. 

My child, don't be anxious. You will be fine. I am sure of that.