Fifty Shades Of Park Jimin

BUTTERFLIES IN BELLY

By Wednesday, I call my mom in Australia to check on her, but also so she can wish me luck for my final exams. She proceeds to tell me about her latest venture into candle making - my mother is all about new business ventures. Fundamentally she's bored and wants something to occupy her time, but she has the attention span of a goldfish. It'll be something new next week.

She worries me. I hope she hasn't mortgaged the house to finance this latest scheme. And I hope that her relatively new but much older husband - is keeping an eye on her now that I'm no longer there. He does seem a lot more grounded than Husband Number Three.

"How are things with you, Rosie?"

For a moment, I hesitate, and I have Mom's full attention.

"I'm fine."

"Rosie, Have you met someone?" Wow... how does she do that The excitement in her voice is palpable.

"No, Mom, it's nothing. You'll be the first to know if I do."

"Rosie, you really need to get out more, honey. You worry me."

"Mom, I'm fine."
______

Friday night, Lisa and I are debating what to do with our evening - we want some time out from our studies, from our work, and from student newspapers - when the doorbell rings.

Standing on our doorstep is my good friend Joe, clutching a bottle of champagne.

"Joe! Great to see you!" I give him a quick hug. "Come in."

Joe is the first person I met when I arrived at Seoul University, looking as lost and lonely as I did.

We recognized a kindred spirit in each of us that day, and we've been friends ever since.

Joe is studying engineering and is the first in his family to make it to college. He's pretty damn bright, but his real passion is photography. Joe has a great eye for a good picture.

"I have news." He grins, his dark eyes twinkling.

"Don't tell me - you've managed not to get kicked out for another week," I tease, and he scowls playfully at me.

"The Portland Place Gallery is going to exhibit my photos next month."

"That's amazing - congratulations!" Delighted for him, I hug him again. Lisa beams at him too.

"Way to go Joe! I should put this in the paper. Nothing like last minute editorial changes on a Friday evening." She grins.

"Let's celebrate. I want you to come to the opening." Joe looks intently at me. I flush.

"Both of you, of course," he adds, glancing nervously at Lisa.

Joe and I are good friends, but I know deep down inside, he'd like to be more. He's cute and funny, but he's just not for me. He's more like the brother I never had. Lisa often teases me that I'm missing the need-a-boyfriend gene, but the truth is - I just haven't met anyone who... well, whom I'm attracted to, even though part of me longs for those trembling knees, heart-in-my-mouth, butterflies-in-my-belly, sleepless nights.

Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Perhaps I've spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high. But in reality, nobody's ever made me feel like that.

Until very recently, the unwelcome, still small voice of my subconscious whispers.

I watch Joe open the bottle of champagne. He's tall, and in his jeans and t-shirt he's all shoulders and muscles, tanned skin, dark hair and burning dark eyes. Yes, Joe's pretty hot, but I think he's finally getting the message: we're just friends. The cork makes its loud pop, and Joe looks up and smiles.

Saturday at the store is a nightmare. While I'm sitting behind the counter at the till discreetly eating my bagel. I'm engrossed in the task, checking catalogue numbers against the items we need and the items we've ordered, eyes flicking from the order book to the computer screen and back as I check the entries match. Then, for some reason, I glance up... and find myself locked in the bold gray gaze of Park Jimin who's standing at the counter, staring at me intently.

Heart failure.

"Miss Roseanne. What a pleasant surprise." His gaze is unwavering and intense.