Scared of loving you again

Chapter 1

"the worst thing about loving you, wasn't you leaving. it was hoping you'd come back."

As memories of last night  flashed through my mind over and over again, my plan started to get worser each time. What did I did? What was even in my mind ? I can't do that. I can fake an engagement with Deniz, it just doesn't sound right. But I couldn't help it, everything happend so quickly and now I cannot get out of this. At least for a couple of days. And who knows? Maybe Serkan will be jealous or remember something. Maybe ...
Without even realizing I find myself in front of the office. Last night after the party I avoided everyone who asked what I was doing and just got directly to sleep cutting everyone of. And this morning I woke up very early so I won't have to answer any questions. Because honestly I didn't even know what I was doing and how this thing would go out. Was I doing it because I couldn't stand seeing that stupid ring on Selin hand ? Was I doing it because I didn't wanted to be the one that loses? Or maybe because I desperately needed to hold on something that gives me a chance to make Serkan remember us? Because I know if I don't do nothing, my mind would go crazy, more than it did now. And most importantly my heart would break into pieces, the pieces that I try so hard to keep them together...because if I let that happen, I know that I would never be able to put back those pieces... so I had to fight, to do something and the only thing that came to my mind was an engagement with Deniz, an engagement that he quickly agreed on without to many questions. Thinking about it now, he didn't had time to think about it properly or to ask any question, but he still agreed and I know he did that because he is really a good friend. But I still felt bad that I asked him to do that. I avoided his calls last night and this morning too. I know I'll have to talk to him about all of this but I needed some time alone, I needed to collect myself before the storm that's about to come. I walked from home up to the office, a walk that normally would feel like hell. But I didn't felt nothing because I was so lost in my thoughts ... and now I was just staring at the entrance trying to find courage to get past through that door.
You can do it, Eda! You can do anything! Just take a deep breath and go! And I did! I tried to put on a brave face while doing to, not sure if I actually succeeded. The first thing that I have to do is to get myself some coffee and find the girls, I need to talk to them. I have to tell them the truth hoping that they maybe would understand me and tell me  I'm not crazy for doing this.
I try to go as fast as I can do so I won't run into Serkan, he is the last person I need to see right now.

"I can't let Eda use Deniz. He is the lead role and I'm not going to be an extra!" I hear Ceren screaming to Melo who tries to calm her down

"Ok. Calm down a little. We'll talk about it while you're calmer because you definitely don't realize what are you saying now." says back Melo

"I won't calm down until I talk to her!"

"What happened here? Ceren, why are you crying ?" i interrupt the conversation that I heard and couldn't understand anything

"Oh, looks who's here! Exactly the person that I was looking" says Ceren while trying to wipe up her tears

"Dada... are you ok? I was worried about you."

"Are you for real ?" Ceren asks Melo, looking angrier that ever

"I really think you just need to stop, Ceren, and calm down and after that you can talk to Eda. You don't want to say anything you will regret later."

" I was ok Melo, until now, can someone tell me what's happening?" I burst out loud looking at my two best friends that clearly hide something from me

" You're really going to pretend like you don't know what happend? Ok then. I'm going to tell you what happend!"

"Don't do it, Ceren!"

"No, Melo. Nothing would stop me from going to tell the truth because I'm really tried of overlooking the things Eda does.