The Lullabies for Alex

The Painful Truth

     Jack was sitting on his bed. Tears were rushing down his face like a raging waterfall, yet it was as quiet as a library. His mother was downstairs washing dishes. He had his laptop playing so loudly, she thought he was just listening to his favorite music.

    The song was "Kissing You Goodbye" by The Used. These lines always got him: "Cut yourself in conversation. Cut the line to make me feel alive." He took out his blade.

     The comforting silver made him smile, for it was the only thing that made his pain go away for a little while. He pulled up his sleeve. His whole forearm covered in gray scars and new, fresh red ones, that hurt and itched.

     He said aloud, "Here we go again, Jack. You're pathetic." He glided his blade against his skin. The familiar pain felt so good.

     His phone vibrated. It was Alex. "Hey dude. I miss you. Come over now? Adventure Time marathon and snacks."

     Jack replied wiping the tears from his eyes, "Alright, Lex. Be there in 5."

     Jack was freaking out. What would he do about his arm? He put his razor back where he always hid it: the box in his drawer. He went in his bathroom and ran some water on his arm, then got changed. He put his skinny jeans on and his Glamour Kills hoodie, hoping Alex won't find his cuts. His shame. His depression. His anxiety.

     Just before he walked out the door, he screamed, "Bye Mom!" and ran out. All in his mind was "The cuts. Alex will see them. He'll see." Even though Alex didn't know, Jack felt like he did.

     Once he got to Alex's house, he hesitated to knock. When he did, Alex answered the door and said, "Nobody's hooome. We can party together!"

     "Yay!" Jack shouted. He acted so happy in front of everyone else. They could never see his depression. Alex never saw. Jack was too silly to be sad. Or so Alex thought.

     Alex grabbed Jack's arm. Inside, Jack was screaming. His face showed pain, but he tried to hide it. It worked. Alex threw him on the couch.

     Alex jumped on top of Jack, grabbed the remote and put the television on.

     "Wow, Jacky, we have been dating for almost six months now." Alex said.

     "I can't believe it." Jack replied.

      Alex leaned down to Jack's face and kissed him. Jack kissed back, but all he was thinking was "Alex is gonna find them. He's going to take my hoodie off and then leave me. I'm disgusting."

     Alex smiled at Jack. Jack smiled back. Alex took his t-shirt off. Jack's eyes opened wide. He never saw Alex look so hot.

     Jack's mouth seemed to be watering when he said, "You look so hot, Alex." He hugged Alex.

     Alex winked. He reached down to grab Jack's hoodie. Jack's face turned pale, and his heart skipped a beat.

     "No, Alex." Jack said fast.

     "Jack, are you not ready? I can slow down. We've never done this before."

     "No, it's not that." Jack answered pathetically.

     "Jack, you don't have to hide. I'll love your body the way it is." Alex said.

     "No, Lex, it's not that either." Jack told him.

     Alex asked, "Jack, what are you afraid of?"

     Jack looked to the ground. Alex looked at him. He pulled off Jack's hoodie, revealing the cuts and years old scars. Alex frowned. Tears filled his eyes.

     Jack got up and ran into the bathroom. He locked it.

     "Jack, wait, no, come back!" Alex yelled.

     "Just leave me, I'm pathetic, you shouldn't love me. I should die." Jack yelled back.

     "No, Jacky, I love you. Come out now!" Alex yelled louder.

     Jack put on the water to the bathtub.

     "Jack, open the door. Open this damn door now!" Alex was screaming through his tears.

     Jack sat in the tub and grabbed a razor sitting on the side of the sink. He plucked out the blade and took it to his wrists. He screamed, "I love you, Alex. I'm sorry you love me."

     Alex was pounding at the door, trying his hardest to open it.

     "Jack. Please. Open the door." He was trying to make the words come out as loud as he could, but it wasn't working. His heart was breaking. He fell to the ground.

     Jack's arm was bleeding bad. The water was turning red.

      He whispered, "Make it a sweet, sweet, goodbye."

     He began hallucinating. He saw memories of Alex and him playing guitar and singing silly songs. It went black. In the background, he heard Alex screaming and sobbing.