Needs

-Broken-

Answer, answer, answer. I must have been speaking out loud, "Who do you want to answer you so desperately, Clay?" Questioned my mom from the kitchen. "Just one of my friends", I say to my mom as she smiles at me. I smile back at her, sighing. "I'm heading home, I had a good time seeing you again." I'll come over soon." Okay bye honey see you soon!" She says as I walk out the front door making my way to my car. "Dammint answer my message!" I say as if my phone can hear me. As I drive, my thoughts are racing, I am unable to concentrate on the road If I were to blink, I would see hot tears freely running down my face. I see water forming in my eyes but if I were to blink, the tears would form immediately. Why did I think she would care. "I don't care anymore, screw it." I cry as I find it tougher to unlock the door to my house than usual, causing me to cry more. I completely break down when I walk into the house. I scream. No words are spoken, simply screams. 

 I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I looked at the call that came through. It was not from her. It was from Sapnap. I feel refreshed seeing his name on the screen. I don't know what to do. I answer the phone only to have him say, "Hey Dreammmmm, How are you?" "Hey Sapnap, not much is happening". (still crying but laughing to disguise the sound of the sniffles) "Wait Dream are you alright! Talk with me" he says, sounding sure that he is worried."Sapnap, I'm just fine. I mean, things are fine. I'm fine" I interrupted myself. "Stop saying you're fine, it's okay to feel things and have them expressed. What's wrong" he interrupted again. This made me cry harder and made me feel weaker. "I need to go," I said to him before he could say anything . As I hung up on him, I felt remorseful for my actions, but I didn't want to bring him down with me. Until this point, my phone remained on the table with the screen facing the table. I hear the vibration of the phone as I sit down with my head between my knees. I just think that this is too much. 

She doesn't care. She doesn't care ever. I just need to let the past go. I walk to my room to pick some clothes for the shower. My perception was still hazy, but I managed to make my way without bumping into anything. My thoughts were once again racing as I selected a shirt, boxers, and shorts to hop into after the shower. How did she lead me on? If she never gave a damn about anything, then why would she pretend to care about something she never had a care about? Once I got my clothes from my drawers, I proceeded to the restroom to Take a shower to attempt to calm myself down. I lost track of time in the shower. By the time I got out and changed, it had been about an hour. I should probably call back Sapnap. 

I walked over to my phone which was still lying face down on the table, taking a deep breath before picking it up. I was surprised to see that I had over 50 missed calls both from Sapnap and George when I turned it on. I assumed that Sapnap told George about me crying and abruptly hanging up but I had no way to be sure. For all I know it could be that he was calling because he wanted to shoot a video or check a code or it could be that he wants to come by and say hello. Who knows. I wondered if him knowing that I was crying would bother him. I wondered if I would feel better if he realized the reason for my crying. I want to talk to him. I want his voice to heal me. I want him to help me heal. I want him. No, no I need him. 

-Authors note-

Hey! You, You look amazing! I love you! Also, thank you so much for taking your time to read this story. I'm obviously not the best writer so I am extremely sorry if there is mistakes! Sometimes I find it hard to write and find motivation so I'm sorry if I don't post as frequently/short chapters. 

This story will also contain a lot of TWs in a few chapters so if you are sensitive to the topics please do not continue reading. (I will put a TW before the start of the chapter).  If you enter my discord you can give suggestions on the story! The art on the title screen is not mine!

Discord-  https://discord.gg/YxXf4BBnVU (you need to type it in manually sorry)

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